Who is a Victim?

A victim is a person who always views his Life through the glass of “I am not at fault or the world/destiny is the reason for all my misery”. He considers himself a victim of other people’s actions and circumstances and is certain that he cannot do anything about it.

Victim Mindset is a very wide spread and debilitating mental process. The Locus of control is always outside the person. Some common beliefs of the victim could be “I can never get what I want”, “People  are responsible for my sadness” and “ Life is tough” etc. He believes in his make-belief stories of “Poor-me” and cannot look past these.He cannot take responsibility for his actions.

If you notice,they will always come with a set of  un-solvable problems, like a boyfriend who deserted them, parents who are after their life or a boss who is responsible for their career problems. They will force you to be their therapist and demand rescuing.

The best way to deal with the “Victim” mentality is:

• Say “NO” with conviction. You do not have to please everyone or worry about what impact it will have on the other Person because people are responsible for their own Lives. If you say a “Yes” just to make the other person feel better, it will make the situation worse. Enabling these kind of behaviors is bad.
• Help the person understand his own patterns of behavior. Tell him that ‘feeling sorry for yourself will not solve your problems”; If you are not ready to discuss solutions, I cannot listen to you for more than 10 minutes”.
• When you set boundaries with the ‘ victim’, he/she will come up with blames like “you are not a good friend , daughter, son, or wife”. Be ready for this but do not succumb to it.
• If the ‘victim’ in your life is a co-worker, listen briefly and acknowledge his problems; But let him know that you have deadlines to meet and have to return to your work.

• Use body language to reduce the engagement time by breaking eye contact, crossing arms or turn your back. Engage as less as you can!
• If you are the “Victim”, remember that Self-Pity is an indulgence. If you did not have to survive genocide, Regular violence,extreme poverty,homelessness or hunger; there is no reason to feel imprisoned.
• Have empathy: It helps you see the other person’s perspective and be kind to them. Because,If you are empathetic you will understand the deeper meaning in people’s behaviors. If a close family member complains that “ you are being selfish”,his motive could be that he wants to spend more time with you.
• Do not categorize this person to be your enemy as it will be a spiritual U-turn.Therefore,Limit how much you  give-IN to their unhealthy patterns.

Learn more About Dr Prerna Kohli

If you always feel like a Victim,you could be having Anxiety or Depression. Take the tests!