Do this if you are aware of your Narcissism!

It is very rare to find a narcissist to be aware of his Narcissism; However, if you are one of the enlightened narcissists who want to bring a positive change in your relationships, TRY THIS!

 DO NOT TRY TO DEVALUE OTHERS

If you are aware of your narcissistic patterns, you would also be aware of what I am talking about here. Although, I am aware it is an almost impossible thing for you to do because devaluing other people is your major, all-time coping mechanism. You bring it out at the slightest perceived threat to the superior kind of person that you think you are. Devaluing others makes you feel good about yourself and brings the attention back on you. Try to be creative and find better ways that can bring that attention on you.

Here are a few tips to stop devaluing people:

Understand devaluing

Most of the time you may not be even aware that what you say or do is extremely painful for people around you. You are convinced that if it is the truth everyone has to accept that even if it hurtful to someone. Devaluation means saying words or doing things that bring out other people’s inadequacies and decrease their sense of importance; It brings them below you in a hierarchy of status.

Ask close people

Ask a close friend or a spouse and have an open conversation about what kinds of behaviors and comments they have heard from you that they would consider as devaluing. You should focus just on devaluing, not get into finding out whether those statements were true or rightfully deserved in your opinion.

List them

Make a list for yourself of all the devaluing comments and behaviors; that your friend pointed out in the conversation and carry it with you. Keep adding to this list with the increase in your awareness.

Slow down

Devaluing others comes naturally to you. Slow down. Think before you speak and mentally rehearse what you plan to say. If something sounds devaluing, change the message in your sentence in a kind and neutral way.Remember that everything that you think or is the truth does not have to come out of your mouth. Also, ask yourself if doing or saying the thing that you are about to say useful here or necessary. If you get ‘no’ for an answer, try not to do or say it at all.

Do an empathic emotional review

Do a imagery of the situation and reverse your role as the receiver of whatever you plan to say or do. Ask yourself whether or not you felt devalued by what you just said or did, and if you did feel hurt, Don’t do it!

A Hebrew sage Rabbi said, “ Do not do anything to others that is distasteful to you”.

The major reason the narcissistic relationships are ruined is due to this trait than any other.

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