14 Oct 2019
BY: Team Mentriq
marriage
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Marriage is not just a tie between two people who love each other. It also marks the advent of another new relationship — the one you have with your in-laws.
In India, you don’t marry a person you marry a Family. Naturally, a family may consist of parents in law, brother-sister in law, grandparents in law, extended family.
You’ve married the love of your life and it takes time for the in-laws, you and your spouse to adjust with each other. Parents can have their emotional agendas and concerns about their child and will always try to check if everything is alright? But there is a difference between in-laws involvement and interference.
Involvement
In-law involvement is actively participating in the life events of the son or daughter in law be it at home, work achievements, celebrating festivals together, discussing upcoming events of their life. Involvement is on the positive side.
Interference
In-law interference is crossing the line from participating in controlling and monitoring day-to-day events of their life. Interference is more on the negative side. It can be extremely damaging to a couple and if not dealt correctly, it can lead to families being torn apart.
Expectations and insecurity
Your in-laws are a group of people who have a uniquely personal and intimate relationship with your spouse which existed since their birth and before your involvement with him or her. So there is a huge set of expectations they have that my child should not be deprived of anything. When another person enters their child’s life, the feeling of insecurity takes over. Men are more attached to their mothers and women to their fathers but you need to know how much information is to be passed over and which piece of advice is to be taken.
Interference could be in many areas: money, badmouthing the son-daughter in law, dressing sense, lifestyle, career, constant comparison, household activities, parenting and being manipulative all which results in conflicts.
In-laws Interference negatively affects your relationship with your spouse. Is your relationship with your spouse becoming more and more claustrophobic? Are you having conflicts with your spouse because of in-laws interference which is the main cause of stress and health issues? Then, you and your spouse need to talk about the concerns, discuss what is not negotiable and set up some boundaries so that both, relationship with parents and spouses remain intact. Otherwise, it doesn’t take a minute to say “Goodbye” to a beautiful relationship.
“No one should come between you and your Spouse. They should come alongside you but not between you.”
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