If you confront a situation that generates anger, you need to recognise these warning signs and anticipate your triggers, then you can act quickly to deal with your anger even before it spins out of

control. There are many techniques that can help you keep your anger in check and help you to unwind and relax like:

Technique of deep breathing:

Deep and slow breathing helps out in releasing the tension smoothly. The process of deep breathing technique is to breathe deeply from the abdomen, getting as much fresh air as possible into your

lungs. Further, deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help in calming down the angry feelings. That is, once you are taking deep breathe in and out, you have to very slowly utter words or phrases like “relax,” “take it easy” and then imagine or visualise a relaxing experience, from either your

memory or your imagination. Meditation and yoga can also help one to calm down. Daily practice will automatically help you to repeat the process whenever you are in a tense situation.

Technique of senses:

 We feel any stimulus only when our senses are stimulated. Keeping this in mind one can use the senses of sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste for relaxation. For example, listening to music or

picturing yourself in a favourite place can help you feel comfortable.

Techniques of massage and exercise:

A gentle massage on the area which you feel is getting tensed helps you to relax for example roll your shoulders if you feel it is getting tensed or simply massage your neck and scalp. Simple

exercises or even a morning walk helps in releasing of constrained energy or blocked ideas so you can approach the situation with a cooler head.

Technique of counting:

This is the best technique that can be used when you are in a “fight or flight” situation. Count from one to ten when you have started getting the feel of anger. A focus on the counting helps the mind to

understand and control the feelings. If you still feel out of control by the time you reach ten, start counting again.

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Here we’ll show  techniques for cooling down situations that threaten to ignite when you don’t want them to. In all but the rarest of cases, you’ll feel better and come up with more effective solutions when you contain conflict rather than give anger a free lead. When faced an angry person, you want to do everything you can to avoid escalation. Heated arguments or even violence can erupt when escalation climbs. And escalation can happen really fast if you’re not careful.

Listen deeply

When people attack, your best diffusing strategy is listening. Really listening. Give the angry person some time to completely express their frustration. Then tell the person how you heard what they said by starting like- “I get a sense you are saying”. If the person agrees with your interpretation of their sentence then move on otherwise ask them to restate their sentence. 

Controlling pace, space, and breadth

Arguing in parking lots or other open spaces merely increases the chances of escalation. You can bring those risks down by going to places like coffee shops. Other measures are as follows-

• Suggest that the two of you sit down in chairs. This equalises the height and has a calming effect.
• Notice where the exit doors are located, just in case. This will help you feel more relaxed.
• Attempt to maintain a distance of two arm’s length away from your adversary for extra safety.
• Control the speed of your speech. It is much harder to rage against someone who speaks slowly and with pauses.

• 

Asking for clarification

  Many arguments occur when two people simply fail to understand what each other is trying to say. Rather than assuming that you know what the argument is about, why not ask for clarification? You can restate what you think is going on, but say that you want to be sure that you have it right. 

Speaking softly

A soft, patient voice tone and volume keeps emotions in check. It’s basically as simple as that­-pay close attention to your voice volume when an argument threatens to break out.

 Connecting

When you fell disconnected with people, it’s far easier to feel angry with them. On the other hand, even a small bit of connection can dampen hostile feelings.

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It is better to deal with situations well in advance which may later create problems and lead to maladjustment.

This fact is equally applicable to anger.  If the emotion of anger goes beyond control then the individual may suffer from various physical, physiological as well as psychological problems at later stages. So now the question arises – how to deal with anger well in advance? At an earlier stage, if you feel you are angry towards some event, person or object, there are certain

ways with the help of which you can control or express your anger in most constructive or healthiest way.

Follow the traffic rules:

Yes! The way you follow the rules of the traffic while driving can be equally applied to real life situations. The red light of the traffic signal says- stop. If you are in a situation where you feel that

your level of anger is going out-of-control anger, first of all, stop the thoughts that are coming to your mind instantly. Inhibiting of thoughts at this stage will help you to apply your logic. Now, try to find out the reason why do you think you should be so angry?

At times we imitate the ways which we have learned from our elders ever since our childhood. If we observed others in our family screaming, hitting each other, or throwing things, then the lesson that we might have learned is that this is how anger is supposed to be expressed. Traumatic events and high levels of stress can make us more susceptible to anger as well. Now when you have applied your rational thinking, your body changes like an increased heartbeat, sweating, breathing have slowly reached back to the normal condition. This is the state of the yellow light of the traffic signal which says- get ready.

Now, with your full senses under your control, you are ready to face the situation, which is similar to the green light of the traffic signal which says go and face the situation in the smoothest way.

Control your act and then react:

 Anger might not always be the result of the unfavorable situation, person or object. At times, frustration, unmet needs, embarrassment, insecurity, hurt, shame, or vulnerability might be the

underlying factors that might have generated the feelings of anger within you. In order to express anger in appropriate ways, it is necessary for you to realize and accept the real feelings and immediately deal with it. It is always better to face reality instead of reacting merely on the basis of assumptions.

Avoid situations which provide warning signals:

Even before you are aware of your own reaction, the body starts reflecting certain warning signs,  like emotional feelings, anger is also a requisite. It fuels the “fight or flight” system of our body and therefore prepares us to either confront the situation or avoid and move away from the situation. If ever you have another chance to face a similar unpleasant situation, or a negative thought towards some person, object or event which made you angry, then it is better that you avoid or stay away from such situations. It is because, the angrier you get, the more your body gets exhausted. Becoming aware of triggers of anger in your self can help a great deal in dealing with your anger before it is out of control.

Certain stressful events that trigger anger can also be identified. Diary writing is one of the best ways. With the help of which you can keep a track of your regular routine and try to identify activities. Maybe you get into a fight every time you go out with a certain group of friends. Or it may be the traffic that you face daily while going or coming from your office which drives you crazy. These are nothing but the triggers that you need to be aware of and you have to think about ways to avoid these triggers or view the situation differently so it does not make you feel angry.

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If you don’t express anger you just might explode

 The truth is, the more often you express anger, the more likely you are to get angry in the future. 

Men are angrier than females

 If angrier means how often people express anger, it’s simply not true that men are angrier than women. Surveys have proven this.

Anger is awful

When private, anger can boost you, improve your communication with other people, and protect you against fear and insecurity.

Anger is fine

When it leads to domestic rough treatment, property harm, sexual abuse, drug compulsion,  and self-mutilation, anger is definitely not fine.

The older you get, the more touchy you are

It’s the other way round- as people age, they report less nonconstructive emotions and greater emotional control.

Anger is all in the mind

When you get angry, that emotion manifests itself throughout your body too and not only your mind, like the hair on the back of your neck, your blood pressure, your heart rate, your gut etc.

Anger is all about getting even

The most common motive behind has been shown to be a desire to assert authority or independence or to improve one’s image. Revenge is a secondary motive.

If you don’t express anger you will be seen as weak

This is not true. A calm, measured, assertive response not only works better but is also quite powerful.

People with anger issues have low self-esteem

 This is not always true. A much more common companion of anger is excessively inflated self-esteem. 

Only some type of people have anger problems

 You can find angry truck drivers, lawyers, policemen college professors,  grand-mothers, , poor people, millionaires, children, , physicians and  aged people. Anger is a general emotion.

Anger results from human conflict

Sometimes yes but people also get angry by being exposed to foul odours, negotiating traffic jams, aches and pains, computer problems, none of which involve direct, intentional actions of other humans.

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Substance Abuse in adolescents

In the past couple of decades, there have been reports that adolescent indulges in drinking alcohol and using drugs. Influence of the peer group combined with low frustration tolerance, aggressive tendencies, and easy availability of drugs lead to increased use and abuse of substances by these youngsters. They appear to be least concerned with its ill consequences. As children reach the age of adolescence they have a strong tendency to explore the world and their environment. This is a time when the growing individual experiences strong peer pressure to join them in what they are doing, school and parental pressure to perform at a higher level of academic achievement and so on. This is also the time when the young individual goes through considerable physical and psychological changes with increased hormonal activity.

7 Common Symptoms of teen’s Substance abuse include:

• Your teen may experience unusual tiredness
• Low Grades in their academics
• You can observe their red eye
• A smell of Substance on breath and clothes
• They Avoid eye contact
• Guarded Behaviours
• Loss of interest in activities

Help your teen avoid drugs

• Ask your teen’s views
• Know your teen’s activities
• Know your teen’s friends
• Discuss with them the ways to resist peer pressure
• Establish rules and consequences

Hence,If you  and the school do not handle this stage appropriately , the youngster may fall into the a group of undesirable friends. They, may also be tempted to try smoking, drinking, use of drugs and many such undesirable activities in which these friends may be indulging. This is the time they try out many things that the adults do, however, they are not yet ready or mature enough to handle the demands of adulthood.

However,If no proper help is available they may stray off into many behaviours which may be considered unacceptable as for instance, drinking, indulging in antisocial activities and substance abuse.

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Even if you consider yourself to be the Most Sympathetic person; Anger will take over you sometimes.Many scripts suggest that women should not be angry and that it is not feminine. Women express anger inwardly unlike men, they suppress and ignore it more often leading to other problems like depression and bipolarity. Women mostly fear to face their own anger issues, which has an impact on their emotional wellbeing.

According to research “Females are often prone to self-doubt regarding their reactions of anger. Also, they believe that they are overreacting or just being too sensitive or unreasonable. Therefore, Women have to be mindful when they are treated unreasonably or when their boundaries are violated.”Women who expressed anger in a professional context are given lower status, lower wages, and less competence, while the opposite is true for men.

Here are a  few steps to manage Anger in a healthy and smart way :

 1. Review the list of emotions:

By reviewing you can help yourself identify anger and other emotions; often it is fear, tension, worry. Feel free to search emotions like Cranky, Baited, Hateful, Rage, Resentful, upset etc.

2. Write it down :

Often it is suggested that you should write down your feelings, keeping a journal would help the flow of energy to take direction and in this case writing would help to vent it out.

3. Eat something sweet :

Eating a piece or two of chocolate can help stabilize high blood pressure and maintain the sugar levels decreasing anxiety, anger, irritability. Also keeping the statement alive ”women have a sweet tooth”.

4. Take a break :

If you are not able to get things off your mind go grab a coffee or meet a co-worker you have a good bond with. If work environment allows go for a short vacation and spend some time with yourself.

5. Breathing/ Exercising :

Their numerous exercises related to relaxation, taking deep breaths can help calm you down for time being, exercising, jogging in the morning should be put as a regular routine workout to help combat anger issues.

6. Seek Professional Help:

If your issue is getting worse seek professional help. A counselor can help you with the management and expression of Anger in a healthy way.

Is your child always throwing tantrums, Is it getting difficult for you as a parent to make him understand the right way to behave? Are you losing your peace?

Then your child might be having anger issues.

Anger in children is getting common these days factors such as non-cooperative parents, not meeting the demands of the child, aggressive and violent environment at home or school can lead to a child being angry all the time.

One can understand from this that the child does learn from his environment since he still is growing up, Things like: catching up phrases by looking at an adult which can lead to misbehaving of the child. Also since the child is growing at every stage it is upon the parent to regulate their child’s emotion.

Here are a few steps on how you can modulate, modify and stable your child’s anger and give its behave a new course:

steps to keep your child’s Anger under control

The first thing to do is know the difference between Feelings and Behaviour:

Anger is like other emotions although many kids struggle to understand the difference between angry feelings and aggressive behavior.

Show your child to tag and learn about his emotions, so he can direct feelings of anger, frustration, and disappointment.

Direct him by saying, “It’s Alright to feel frustrated but it’s not to start yelling ” Help him see that he’s in control of his actions when he feels angry.

At times, aggressive behavior forms a variety of uncomfortable feelings, like unhappiness or embarrassment. Being a parent you should talk about such feelings regularly or when in need, your child will learn to recognize his feelings better.

Model Anger Management skills:

Since your child would learn things from you it is better to teach by showing him how you deal with your anger. Say, “its OK to be frustrated and not OK to yell so I’m going to be patient and have some time alone when I feel alright ill be back “ and so you can apologize when you’re back.

Take charge and be responsible for your behavior so as for them to learn, when you lose your cool in front of your kids Apologise and discuss what you should have done instead.

Facing consequences:

“Good” or “Bad” for good behavior reward them with a token by giving them extra time to play or watch TV.and for bad behavior (on getting angry, beating, ) not giving them extra time to play or not helping them do homework, or watch TV.

These things will help set boundaries and let the child bring positive change and learn new patterns in Self Behaviour Modification.

Read Together:

Children love stories and  according to research “ The last thing you read or see acts as a modification In your inner self “

Reading a story to your child about anger, frustration, sadness, rejection, loneliness and how you can overcome it will help you to teach your child in a better way.

If needed seek Help:

In such times guiding your child can make him learn that it is normal for kids to struggle to manage their anger sometimes.

In the worse case, if your child is struggling to get his anger under control, or his anger problems appear to be getting worse, Seek the help of a professional.

A trained professional can discard any underlying mental health problems and can offer aid in creating a BMP behavior management plan.

Read more about Anger Management 

Anger is just like other emotions we have; a little less would make us called as “non-expressive”, or too much would be “self-destructive”, but anger is also important for self-preservation and self-defense if managed properly.

Anger can also appear because of fear or perceived threat, as you are responding with a ‘fight’ response to which this may result in immediate action response verbally or physically. Below are the things you can do that would help you reduce your anger and help control it.

7 steps to Managing Anger

1)Breathing/counting: 

Its okay, if you have spilled the coffee of your angry outburst, but even after that, you can save yourself and others from an ugly fight just by breathing slowly, taking a deep breath one time will calm your mind and clear negative thoughts and help you relax.

2) Ask yourself about the reason:

Asking self about the anger that you have just blown out will help you to do self-analysis about your anger and the need of the outburst. It also helps to self heal your mind and body.

3) Step Comfort:

WRE (Walk-Run-Exercise) the 3 way my way to help yourself reduce anger. If you can’t do all 3 do at least one regularly.

4)Engaging in a hobby:

If you like to read do a reading, knitting, gardening, playing an instrument or learning a new one. Do anything productive that would engage your mind and also helps you realize your potential.

5) Guided Imagery:

Imagine the last vacation you went to or a holiday well spent, the last time when you laughed fully feeling contended, hear what you heard that time, see what you saw, feel and amplify those feelings. These things help to calm you down and keep you relaxed.

6) Assertiveness is equal to balance:

Assertive is state of oneself being self-assured and confident be “Assertive” and not “Aggressive”. By “telling” and not “yelling” you can explain people around you your expectations, boundaries, and issues you face.

7) To Forgive and Forget:

To ensure long-term changes and healthy living it is important for you to forgive and forget, sometimes its difficult as past memories or thoughts might bring back the horror. For this one can visit a counselor for therapy certain things should be handled by experts also by doing so you choose a healthy way to get over any issue you may have.

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The year is ending and you must be waiting to start with a host of brand new Resolutions. Every New  Year comes with new hopes and dreams that you have planned to achieve, But a lot of our new year resolutions are broken in the first few hours of the day.

Here are some Fail proof ways to keep your Resolutions :

Be careful about what you choose

Choose those areas that give you better health, more happiness, and greater fulfillment, like giving up smoking. This will not only give you all of the above but also a sense of achievement and pride about yourself. Keep just a couple of clear and simple resolutions rather than too many goals.

Be Realistic

Do not ignore the reality and aim too high. You know yourself best and hence keep your negative qualities in mind when keeping the targets too, for example, you are not a morning person. Keep these in mind! Remember why you failed like time with your resolutions, maybe you wanted to lose 15kg a month or keep a deposit of an unrealistic amount of money.

Plan for small portions of a bigger goal

Break down your resolution to smaller sized goals. Plan as much as you can; This will help you build your willpower too by progressively diving into the action mode. Reduce losing 30 kg in a year to 1 kg in 15 days or 500 rupees per day.

Set a Time

If you want to stay motivated, set a time-frame for your goals. Keep a diary or calendar where you can plan and record your actions for the coming months and evaluate your progress regularly.

Keep Notes

Have a scrapbook to add photos, motivations to it so that you can see why you started when you are derailed. For example, attach the bill of the credit card or a photo of your slimmer self.

Celebrate your achievements

After every week or fortnight in your target time frame, celebrate and gift yourself something for progressing towards your goal. It will keep you motivated to do more.

Receive Support

Even after the best of your efforts to keep your resolutions, you might get derailed sometimes. Seek support from your family or friends and let them know that you are struggling. If they are really close, they will know what to say to you. Do not get discouraged if you fail once in a while, and do not take the failure to your heart. Start again the next day!

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Response to Failure is what demarcates a successful person from a person who has failed. When you fail, you become vulnerable by becoming open to interpretation by others.  You suffer from victimization, self-pity and also tend to catastrophize the event. But, No failure is final! You have to choose deliberately what you infer from the event of failure; Either it will be an excuse or a legendary story behind your success. Embrace vulnerability and let your wounds be out in the open; It is only when you accept the shortcomings that you grow out of them.

Attitude is the only Important factor in trying times…

A Study was done by Psychologist Albert Bandura to find out the role of attitudes in the face of failure. He segregated people into two groups and made each group perform an identical management task. Group A was told that the study was to test their management abilities and the Group B was told that the task was just an opportunity to improve, practice and be re-done.  The Researchers intentionally made the task very difficult so that each one fails at it.

Group A, Felt like losers because they weren’t able to perform and were also not able to make any improvement when given a second chance. While, Group B, performed progressively higher with each trial and looked at the failure as an opportunity to improve. When the two groups were asked to rate themselves, Group B was found to be more confident than Group A.

The next time you fail and catch yourself wallowing in self-pity, Focus on the most important thing you can control: Attitude

Keep these in mind when you encounter a failure:

• Everything that is good takes time to happen! Author Gladwell said that, if you want to be a master of anything, invest 10,000 hours of tireless focus.
• Check whether you are Just busy or Productive. Realise that success is not the result of movement but a child of undivided focus. You are the product of your output, not effort.
• Internalise that some events are always out of your control, however, how you react to these is always within your control. Your attitude will turn a mistake into a learning experience and will also ensure that your ego doesn’t go through the roof when you arrive victoriously.
• Do something that makes you feel good about yourself rather than comparing yourself to others. Your self- worth must come from Inside, not from the evaluation of others; that is a very flimsy ground to stay on.
• Perfection is a Fiction. Human beings are bound to make mistakes. If being perfect is your goal you will always fail. Just Try to be better than yesterday.

You will regret nothing but the chances that you didn’t Take. Not that you should take mindless risks but calculated risk. When taking a road less traveled ask yourself “ What is the worst that could happen?”. The worst thing that could possibly happen to you is that you allow yourself to die while you are still alive.

If you want to be successful, learn from your experiences. Learn from the failures and from the triumphs.

Keep changing yourself for the better!

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Also, read About Procrastination

If you constantly feel like a failure, Take our test on Depression.