Who is a Victim?

A victim is a person who always views his Life through the glass of “I am not at fault or the world/destiny is the reason for all my misery”. He considers himself a victim of other people’s actions and circumstances and is certain that he cannot do anything about it.

Victim Mindset is a very wide spread and debilitating mental process. The Locus of control is always outside the person. Some common beliefs of the victim could be “I can never get what I want”, “People  are responsible for my sadness” and “ Life is tough” etc. He believes in his make-belief stories of “Poor-me” and cannot look past these.He cannot take responsibility for his actions.

If you notice,they will always come with a set of  un-solvable problems, like a boyfriend who deserted them, parents who are after their life or a boss who is responsible for their career problems. They will force you to be their therapist and demand rescuing.

The best way to deal with the “Victim” mentality is:

• Say “NO” with conviction. You do not have to please everyone or worry about what impact it will have on the other Person because people are responsible for their own Lives. If you say a “Yes” just to make the other person feel better, it will make the situation worse. Enabling these kind of behaviors is bad.
• Help the person understand his own patterns of behavior. Tell him that ‘feeling sorry for yourself will not solve your problems”; If you are not ready to discuss solutions, I cannot listen to you for more than 10 minutes”.
• When you set boundaries with the ‘ victim’, he/she will come up with blames like “you are not a good friend , daughter, son, or wife”. Be ready for this but do not succumb to it.
• If the ‘victim’ in your life is a co-worker, listen briefly and acknowledge his problems; But let him know that you have deadlines to meet and have to return to your work.

• Use body language to reduce the engagement time by breaking eye contact, crossing arms or turn your back. Engage as less as you can!
• If you are the “Victim”, remember that Self-Pity is an indulgence. If you did not have to survive genocide, Regular violence,extreme poverty,homelessness or hunger; there is no reason to feel imprisoned.
• Have empathy: It helps you see the other person’s perspective and be kind to them. Because,If you are empathetic you will understand the deeper meaning in people’s behaviors. If a close family member complains that “ you are being selfish”,his motive could be that he wants to spend more time with you.
• Do not categorize this person to be your enemy as it will be a spiritual U-turn.Therefore,Limit how much you  give-IN to their unhealthy patterns.

Learn more About Dr Prerna Kohli

If you always feel like a Victim,you could be having Anxiety or Depression. Take the tests!

The amendment of Section 377 of IPC calls for an Applaud! This judgment is not only a big step for the LGBT community but for all of us as the citizens of India. It is the declaration of being more “ acceptable” as a society and the reduction of “Stigma” of all nature.

Sexuality is the toughest topic to come to terms with and this might be the beginning of the end to all other Intolerant attitudes that have been making an insidious presence in our Society!

History of Article 377

This is a controversial topic and often activists define it as Regressive as it curtails the right to ” Sexuality”. To understand the repercussions of the Supreme court decision today, it is very important to know why it existed earlier.

According to Section 377:

Any voluntary intercourse against nature with any woman, man, or animal shall be imprisoned for life, or with punishment which might be as long as ten years, and is also be liable to a fine.

The buggery Act of 1533:

Section 377 of IPC  was on the model of  Buggery Act during the era of King Henry VII, which defined ‘buggery’ as an unnatural sexual act which was not in the will of God and man. This act criminalized anal intercourse with animals and in a broader sense homosexuality.

This law was brought in light and put in action in British India during 1857 after the First War of Independence.

Offenses again a person Act 1861:

This act made unnatural sexual act broader and hence allowed easier prosecution of rapists but along with them homosexuals.

Article 377 of IPC has stirred a lot of controversies earlier in High courts in 2009. The controversy is to allow “ homosexual relations between consenting adults”. The controversy demanded Section 377 should only be applied to penile non-vaginal sex involving minors and non-consensual penile non-vaginal sex. The case was reconsidered again and consensual sex was decriminalized until section 377 is amended.

Psychological Impact of The Amendment of section 377 of IPC:

• Homosexuality is not a mental illness but it is your sexual choice or orientation. More recently in July 2018, Indian Psychiatric society also declared homosexuality as a ‘sexual variation’ and not a Psychiatric disorder.
• The most difficult part of your being of a different sexual orientation is to “come out;  Coming out is the acceptance to your own self and then acknowledging the same. The second most difficult step is to tell it to your family. This amendment will decrease trauma and shame associated with a different sexual orientation.

• If you are a lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or transgender, you often choose to stay without “coming out” of this due to stigma. Sexuality is a huge component of your personality and if you hide your sexual orientation, it is going to cause you a lot of stress. It is very important for you to enjoy your sexuality and be confident about it.
• In addition, it is important to express yourself as you really are for mental wellbeing. If you do not come to terms with your true self, you will have a lot of repressed emotions and suffer from a host of mental and emotional problems.
• Although there is acceptance of the different sexual orientations throughout the world;  decriminalizing and amending the law is important so that you as a member of LGBT community do not feel victimized. You can voice your demands and have more acceptance in your family and community.
• With this amendment, other aspects of sex education would also get a boost. It makes it more necessary now for parents, society, and school to discuss sexuality and is inevitable.

In conclusion, it is a good place to start and will pave way for more progressive society! This decision has also shown us that we need to respect Individual choice even if it is contrary to common awareness and adaptability.

Also in News

Most of the corporate jobs require travelling to places and different offices. But, many people aren’t able to do so. They are afraid and get very anxious. The anxiety leads to panic attacks. This irrational fear is caused by the thought of travelling. This can occur due to past traumatic events, which is then linked with your thoughts. Thus, they start causing panic attacks.

The fear of travelling differs for each person, i.e. it can be travelling by a specific vehicle or a certain distance from their house. But, due to this fear, many people lose many opportunities of growth and family.

Thus, below are few things you can do to manage your fear of travelling:

Planning:

Before leaving for any trip, it is always the best option to plan. One should look at the route they should take and make an advanced reservation. Also, few days before travelling you should call up to confirm your reservations.

Preparation:

If you are travelling by plane it is important that you reserve your seat well in advance. You should also know the exit plan and where the restrooms are. Knowing about them helps you feel more relaxed.

Take Time:

When you are planning a trip, there is always an expectation of delays. Hence, it is very important to give yourself time. A pre-planned timing will help you get relaxed.

Sleep:

Before travelling, it is important to be well rested. Hence, there is a necessity that you have plenty of sleep. A relaxed body is always difficult to get excited. Thus, resting is necessary.

Hydration:

It’s important that you stay hydrated. Dehydration can increase the level of anxiety. Hence, it is very important that you keep a bottled water. So that you are hydrated all the time.

Eat Well:

As mentioned above, similarly, eating well helps in the decrease in anxiety. Thus, make sure you are keeping a lot of snacks with you.

Avoid Alcohol:

It’s important that you stay away from alcohol and drugs. Alcohol actually increases the anxiety levels. Thus, consuming alcohol makes you unsteady and more prone to anxiety.

Travel with Someone Trustworthy:

It’s very important to have a travel partner. Someone you can trust. Having a travel partner helps you remain calm. Thus, keeping a control on your anxiety.

Visit a Therapist:

Lastly, and most important, is that you visit a psychologist as soon as possible. Addressing the problem is very important.

What is Addiction?

Addiction is a compulsive behavior leading to the overuse of a certain substance despite the knowledge of the negative consequences. It causes a lot of problems in the day to day living of the person and often takes over their lives too. The condition is complex.

Addiction affects your Physiology, Psychology and social relations adversely:

Physiological Effects like:

• Cardiovascular disease
• Stroke
• Cancer
• HIV/AIDS
• Hepatitis B and C
• Lung disease
• Brain damage, seizures, and strokes are also common

Psychosocial Effects include:-

• Long-Term Drug use results in mood swings, prolonged sadness, depression, and violence
• The use of drugs will make your cravings more intense i.e when you start taking drugs due to some stressor in life cravings start getting stronger.
• Also, Your family is the worst sufferers as they are the ones dealing with the stigma associated with it.
• Your job suffers as you are no longer able to manage your cravings. Earning Livelihood becomes difficult.
• Addiction is also a major cause of psychotic disorders like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorders.

What could you get Addicted to?

• Alchohol
• LSD and other hallucinogens
• Opioids, painkillers, and heroin
• Cocaine, Methamphetamines
• Tobacco
• Caffeine

This is just a sample of what you could get addicted to, there is a host of many more. You can get addicted to even water! Addiction is a mental pattern that is repetitive and leads to a dysfunction in your day to day life.

When to seek help?

Due to the lack of awareness of mental disorders and delay in early intervention, most of the psychological disorders go unnoticed. Check out for these:-

• You are dependent on the substance and cannot stop taking it.
• When you withdraw the drug, then you experience withdrawal symptoms which include mood swings, poor focus, frustration, anger, empty, negativity, and hallucinations etc.
• You Avoid the activities that would decrease your chances of taking the drug i.e, Cancelling important meetings because taking the drug is not possible at the meeting.
• You feel that you cannot solve your problems without taking the drug or substance.
• Thus, Big sacrifices of money, property, and opportunity are made to continue the supply of the drug.

If you have any of the signs of these, talk to someone close and take help before you can no longer return!

Difficulty dealing with emotions?

Emotions are an outward psychological expression of a particular situation that is experienced mentally or physically. Emotions are there for a use not just as an after effect. Any emotion you experience directs you to an area that needs your immediate attention.  Commonly you must have heard that being emotional is a good or bad thing. But emotions cannot be labelled as either good or bad. Emotions are an outward expression of a feeling that you experience.

Why is EQ so important?

As explained, emotions have a particular use and the most important one is to channelize your energies. If you understand your feeling underlying that emotion it is easier to manage. Emotional  Intelligence is the ability to understand, utilize your emotions in an effective way and also help others understand theirs.

Emotional  Quotient is, therefore, the ability to use emotions to achieve your goals and also help other people with their destructive emotions. Managing emotions is not easy as they stem from your deep-rooted psyche. If you score high on EQ, your aptitude to learn new things increases due to enhanced cognitive functioning.

Why being emotionally  Intelligent will pave your way to your success?

“What really matters for success, character, happiness, and lifelong achievements is a definite set of emotional skills – your EQ — not just purely cognitive abilities that are measured by conventional IQ tests.”

— Daniel Goleman

 Less stress at work…

When you understand your emotions and that of others around you at work or at home you can manage your responses much better . Since you know why you are exactly feeling the way you do, stress and anxiety will be less. It is important to get help in uncovering your feelings so you manage your emotions better.

Less Interpersonal conflict…

Most of the organizations have teams for every kind of work, and if your EQ is high you function better with other people. Conflicts are less and hence an increase in productivity.

Better at Leadership skills….

The ability to understand your own emotions and that of others helps in keeping yourself and others better. Hence emotionally intelligent people are great leaders. An emotionally Intelligent leader will be able to make the teams perform better and hence will smoothen the process of decision making.

Better  Mental Health…

Whenever we think of a vacation, the first thing that comes to our mind is that we need to have a luxury of both time and money. Vacations are thus kept at last in our plan of things because we never seem to have enough of these two things in life. Let ‘s look at the pros of this since we are already sorted with the cons.

Before delving deep into it, take a deep breath and ask yourself a question; “ Why did the idea of taking a vacation come into your mind?” Is it because everyone else is taking one? Do you want to travel to a new place? Does it help you with the “Likes” on your Facebook or Instagram? Or is your family forcing you to take one? Your reason for taking a vacation might not be one of these but most of us have these in mind when planning a vacation. The drive is mostly Extrinsic (i.e; motivation from outside).

WHY MANDATORY?

There is never a right time…

If we keep waiting, we may have to do it forever. Time is running out of our lives and we might not get any time till we are 40-50, but will you be able to do all that you have planned for at age 50? If not now then when?

Work-Life Balance…

What is it that you work for so hard? Life passes by in a blink of an eye. There is a lot of stress at work and even at home. We are always connected and technology makes it, even more, harder to disconnect. We never seem to take a pause, especially in big and populated cities. A nervous breakdown is a common thing in today’s world but not all of us have the luxury to sell our Ferraris and become a monk, hence a vacation could do the trick.

Plan ahead to refocus ….

We often become a cog in the wheel while running errands to get our things done. We loose purpose and meaning in work. Humans work better when there is something that motivates us. While we are away from our daily grind we can Refocus on our goals and make a plan for the future. Our work efficiency increases manifolds and we get more things done.

Bonding with family and friends….

Most of us work for our families or a friend who is a family. None of us works only for our selfish reasons but we often forget to spend quality time with them. Speaking your heart out or listening to what is that is bothering a near and dear one is as important as working hard and paying for them.

Health or wealth….

Goose came first or eggs? The equation is same with health and wealth. Not only will taking that vacation lead to mental well being from stress but also help you with all the related health problems like blood pressure, heart diseases, obesity, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, gastrointestinal problems, premature ageing, and death.

So, all we are trying to put ‘Streageing

is that do not delay your vacations in the run for wealth, as you could have to repay much more.

Either you are working for a big company or a small one, you will have to work in teams. Hence, it is very important to get along with your team members. The objective of any team is to complete the project at hand. Thus, there are countless hours a person spends with their team to achieve the objectives. Hence, building a relationship between the members.

But, if there are relationships, then there will be conflicts.

Thus, below are few issues a team faces in their interpersonal relationship:

Trust:

One of the basic issues which a team faces is trust. Over time, different trust issues build up due to various reasons. Which then lead to conflicts in the team. Everyone in the team puts their guard on, which then creates a barrier between them.

To overcome the trust barrier, one must take the first step. Thus, trusting others for their work leads to gaining trust for self.

Missing Identity:

Many times, in a larger team, people feel that they don’t have an identity. Hence, the loss of self’s identity leads to losing the identity of the team itself. Social loafing takes place and the members start blaming each other for their lack.

Thus, to overcome this, the team needs to adhere to specific values and goals. Which then should be distributed equally among each individual. Hence, creating an equal opportunity for each individual. Thus, leading to each member finding their identity and decreasing the chances of social loafing.

Poor Communication:

The root of all the problems happens due to poor or lack of communication. It starts with small things which then increases over time. Thus, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.

To overcome this, one should actually start listening to people and their team members. If there is a gossip going on about, it is better to ignore the gossips. Thus, talking about the situation, or having a conversation helps build the team.

Conflicts are Unresolved:

As mentioned above, if there are people involved, then conflicts are going to happen. Everyone in the team will have their personal motive and aspiration. Hence, these aspirations come in between the working of the team. Which then are kept unresolved, hence leading to bigger conflicts. Thus, in the end not managing to achieve the team objectives.

So, to overcome the unresolved conflicts, communication is the best way. Many companies provide employee assistance program, which helps in the resolution of interpersonal conflicts. Thus, leading to a better understanding among the team members.

Poor Leadership:

Lastly, the role of a leader is to handle the team and its members. A poor leader or a person with poor leadership skills actually takes the essence of the team. Leaders need to be clear about the team objectives and goals. Failing to do so, leads to the failure of the team. Hence, leading to different types of conflicts and stress.