Mastering the art of avoidance

This doesn’t have to mean that you avoid your feelings. That is generally a very bad strategy. However, when it comes to anger, most people need time to learn anger-management skills. While you are learning, you may profit from staying out of trouble by avoiding trouble in the first place.

In most people, emotions are situational. Something in the here and now irritates you or makes you mad. The emotion itself is tied to the situation in which it originates. So, as long as you remain in that provocative situation, you’re likely to stay angry. If you leave the situation, the opposite is true- the emotion begins to fade as soon as you move away from the situation. Moving away from a situation prevents it from getting a grip on you.

Attempts to stop reacting and making the choice to respond to anger may also be difficult because you’re surrounded by people with excessive anger. What you need instead are anger allies, the kind of people who can help you form new habits of responding effectively to anger. Look for people who-

• Show by personal example how to show anger in a healthy way.
• Will actively listen and support your efforts to bring your anger under control.
• Are nonjudgmental.
• Have conquered their own anger demons.
• Are patient.
• Are compassionate, appreciating what a burden excessive anger is.
• Don’t assume that what worked for them to bring their anger under control will necessarily work for you.
• Are willing to be there for you at a time of emotional crisis.
• Don’t pretend to have all the answers.
• Are willing to help but not to be responsible for your anger.

Distancing yourself from your companions is not an easy task but will benefit your own life very soon.

All images are courtesy Pixabay

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