How Anger Ruins a Marriage

Angry spouse is like an active volcano, which could blow up any moment. Even the smallest of outburst can throw off the balance and ruin a perfect marriage.

Psychologist Dr. Prerna Kohli – PhD

Marriage is a hardship- even a good marriage. Getting a beautiful wedding and living happily ever after is not it, which is a fairytale.  Real-life marriage demands a lot of work and compassion. Unable to manage anger, marriage might alter considerably.

Various factors could be contributing to anger. Understanding why your partner is anger is most important to help manage their anger. Some of the leading contributing factors could be less serotonin, high stress, feelings of resentment, unaddressed emotional trauma and frustration.

Marital conflict or anger poses a high risk for development of heart diseases, increased blood pressure; impair immune functioning and other health issues. Researchers have found spousal anger to be a determinant to depression in the other spouse.

Anger threatens a marriage: How?

• Damages the spousal trust
• A threat to loving and receiving love
• Lose of respect for each other
• Weakens self-esteem
• Feelings of loneliness and resentment from both partners
• Spouse becomes distant
• Fear of being hurt arises
• Increase in sexual temptations
• Drinking, gambling, and other compulsive behaviors

To deal with anger spouse: How?

Communicate Constructively

People often burst into a rage when they feel that they are not being heard. It is advised to active listen and making the spouse feel understood. Communicating clearly also help understand the partner’s perspective of the situation.

Reflect

Reflection of actions helps comprehend if you played a role in triggering the anger episode. If that is the case, it is important to take ownership of your actions. However, if you did not contribute to the outburst, making the spouse understand where they went wrong is important. The more aware you are, the less reactive you would be.

Set Boundaries

The crucial most way to deal with an angry spouse is to set boundaries for what is acceptable or not when expressing anger. Make sure to stick with these boundaries so the spouse knows where not to cross the line.

Be assertive and respectful

Being assertive about how you feel and want something without being disrespectful to the spouse is vital for healthy anger coping environment for both the partners.

Practice patience and compassion

Underneath anger lies more vulnerable emotions like sadness, anxiety and fears. These emotions might be hard to express for the partner hence it is important to have compassion towards the spouse. Waiting patiently for your partner to calm down, serves as the antidote to anger while the rage outburst.

Know when to walk away

Times when the situation is intense and uncontrollable, it is advised to move away and not harm yourself or your spouse in the outburst. Taking a walk or thinking to yourself is exactly what you need before engaging in any other conversation.

Think influence, not control

Focus on influencing your partner to gain positive coping strategies in a healthy manner rather than to try and control everything around him and hope for them to change.

Anger could also lead to an agonizing death of marriage if issues are not addressed. It is important to receive aid from an experienced psychologist.

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