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Happiness is a choice and it’s a journey. Some people remain happy in hard times and there are these people who cannot be happy even when there is nothing to cry for.

So we have tried listing 10 roadblocks of happiness.

Having Unrealistic sense of Self

Do you feel you are not good at anything? Do you feel you “should” have done this or do you feel that others “should” have done that? Keeping unrealistic expectations from self and others will ruin your happiness.

Entitlement

A sense of entitlement — a feeling that you have a right to something — is the root cause of most people’s unhappiness. Parents are unhappy when they don’t get the respect from their kids that they think they’re entitled to. Employees feel unhappy when they don’t get the raise they feel entitled to.

Anger

Being happy, when angry is highly impossible. We get angry when things don’t turn up the way we want or we are hurt. If these things are happening in your daily life then you need to work on them & self to eliminate anger.

Resentment

When we keep our negative thoughts/anger to ourself we get a feeling of resentment. Resentful people look at life through darkened glasses, expecting the worst and being on the ready to defend themselves from harm.

Greed

Greed is all about competition & undeserving, but happiness comes more from cooperation & what you deserve — an effort to act in harmony with the world around you. Happiness is being happy with what you have. It’s also about thriving to achieve it with own efforts.

Aggression

Aggression means “moving against the world.” Two types of aggressive behavior occur between human beings — achievement-driven aggression and combative aggression. Achievement-driven aggression can lead to happiness, but combative aggression does not.

Depression

Feelings of lethargy, low appetite, negative self-image, unable to do regular chores, lack of pleasure, guilt can never make us happy. One needs to work on these persistent symptoms to be happy.

Loneliness

You can be lonely in the midst of a large gathering of people, and not feel lonely when you’re by yourself. Happiness is more about belonging than about having money, power, and success.

Vindictiveness

Hurting a person because they were hurt is vindictiveness. Vindictive people think that by hurting the person who caused them pain — whether physical or emotional — they’ll somehow feel better. But the painful memory stays with you always making you unhappy.

Addiction

Any addiction be it drug, alcohol, food is going to give temporary happiness. Address all your emotional traumas and baggage to overcome addiction and lead a happy life.

If you are suffering through these issues and are unhappy, consult a Psychologist soon.

All images are courtesy Pixabay

To learn more about Mentriq click here

Angry spouse is like an active volcano, which could blow up any moment. Even the smallest of outburst can throw off the balance and ruin a perfect marriage.

Psychologist Dr. Prerna Kohli – PhD

Marriage is a hardship- even a good marriage. Getting a beautiful wedding and living happily ever after is not it, which is a fairytale.  Real-life marriage demands a lot of work and compassion. Unable to manage anger, marriage might alter considerably.

Various factors could be contributing to anger. Understanding why your partner is anger is most important to help manage their anger. Some of the leading contributing factors could be less serotonin, high stress, feelings of resentment, unaddressed emotional trauma and frustration.

Marital conflict or anger poses a high risk for development of heart diseases, increased blood pressure; impair immune functioning and other health issues. Researchers have found spousal anger to be a determinant to depression in the other spouse.

Anger threatens a marriage: How?

• Damages the spousal trust
• A threat to loving and receiving love
• Lose of respect for each other
• Weakens self-esteem
• Feelings of loneliness and resentment from both partners
• Spouse becomes distant
• Fear of being hurt arises
• Increase in sexual temptations
• Drinking, gambling, and other compulsive behaviors

To deal with anger spouse: How?

Communicate Constructively

People often burst into a rage when they feel that they are not being heard. It is advised to active listen and making the spouse feel understood. Communicating clearly also help understand the partner’s perspective of the situation.

Reflect

Reflection of actions helps comprehend if you played a role in triggering the anger episode. If that is the case, it is important to take ownership of your actions. However, if you did not contribute to the outburst, making the spouse understand where they went wrong is important. The more aware you are, the less reactive you would be.

Set Boundaries

The crucial most way to deal with an angry spouse is to set boundaries for what is acceptable or not when expressing anger. Make sure to stick with these boundaries so the spouse knows where not to cross the line.

Be assertive and respectful

Being assertive about how you feel and want something without being disrespectful to the spouse is vital for healthy anger coping environment for both the partners.

Practice patience and compassion

Underneath anger lies more vulnerable emotions like sadness, anxiety and fears. These emotions might be hard to express for the partner hence it is important to have compassion towards the spouse. Waiting patiently for your partner to calm down, serves as the antidote to anger while the rage outburst.

Know when to walk away

Times when the situation is intense and uncontrollable, it is advised to move away and not harm yourself or your spouse in the outburst. Taking a walk or thinking to yourself is exactly what you need before engaging in any other conversation.

Think influence, not control

Focus on influencing your partner to gain positive coping strategies in a healthy manner rather than to try and control everything around him and hope for them to change.

Anger could also lead to an agonizing death of marriage if issues are not addressed. It is important to receive aid from an experienced psychologist.

To learn more about Mentriq click here

All images courtesy Pixabay

“The truth about anger is that it only dissolves when it is really heard and understood without reservations.” – Carl Rogers

Pre-teens, ranging from 8 to 12 years of age are hormonal and are often agitated. At the concrete operational stage, tweens are rationale and organized in their thinking patterns. Pre-teens can be observed with a lot of anger, oppose and increase in anxiety at this age.

Also known as tweens, beTWEEN not being a kid and also not completely a teenager. This stage is very confusing with all the flooding hormones and also added pressure from school affect the mood and sleep.

Handling tween’s anger can be confusing, exhausting and distressing to adults. It is recommended to let the child exercise more authority and responsibility known as the reality discipline. If a kid wants to buy a cheap top with their pocket money, it is better to let them buy it rather than to say ‘no’ and make them angry. This way, the toy breaks in time and reality serves the discipline, not you.

 The role of parents beyond this age becomes preventive and not to implicate. Parents and caregiver have to keep that the child is getting enough sleep and healthy food to keep hormones and health in balance. Parents should not talk to the child about anger while a rage episode but in a calm state. They should help the child make their plans on how to deal with strong emotions.

Management of Anger in Pre-teens

Relaxation

A wide range of relaxation techniques can be used for anger management for pre-teens. Starting from controlled deep breathing to muscle relaxation ending on slow counting numbers to calm the anger down.

Exercise

Exercising aids the release of endorphins in the body which in turn reduces stress and anger perception and keeps them at bay. Brisk walking, running and cycling help to quickly manage anger.

Reflect

Reflecting on how the child behaves in an angry situation helps him become aware of what caused the situation, what behavior was not honorable and how the child should have behaved.

Anger Logs

Keeping a written record of anger episode helps form patterns of episodes and triggers. Anger logs also help pen down the child’s emotions and have a release than having disruptive behavior.

When the angry is uncontrollable and can be seen are harmful to the child and their environment, it is important to consult an experienced psychologist.  

To learn more about Mentriq click here

All images courtesy Pixabay

In early childhood, children feel anger, and express anger but are unable to understand the anger.

The pre-operation stage of cognitive development from the age of 3 to 7 years in children is majorly characterized by language development. Early childhood is predominantly consumed by egocentrism, where the child has not thus far developed concrete logic and is unable to take the viewpoints of others. At this stage, the children start with preschool and actively engross symbolic play and talk with peers, families, and educators.

Anger is a response to danger, a threat to self-esteem, frustration, rejection, and also a form of self- expression. Children in this stage are often ruled by impulse and engage in aggressive behavior. Anger is an emotion, but when anger exceeds uncontrollably is takes form into aggression leading to harmful behavior and physiological issues.

 Troublesome behavior can be seen in subtle ways like pouting, whining, and sulking at schools, homes and with friends and siblings.   

A study found that children who had aggression early in life were at risk of

1. School failure
2. Physical violence
3. Mental health issues
4. Adult unemployment

Management of Anger in early childhood

Role Play

Children at the pre-operational stage find joy in manipulating the environment and symbols. Role-playing acts of rage may help the child learn healthy ways of coping with anger.

Exercise

Exercise does not harm anybody and pumps up the body with happy hormones so it is crucial to let the child exercise and exhaust all of their aggression away.

De-escalate and Deep Breaths

The immediate response of an adult to an angered child is to calm the situation down before explaining anything to the child. Teach them to take deep breaths, as deep breaths help slow the child’s physiological symptoms and give them time to think.

Teach Problem Solving

Children in early childhood do not have concrete logical thinking, nevertheless, it is important to teach children to think of alternative options. Alternatives can be compared with the cognitive capacity of the children and help halt impulsive behavior.

Challenge Thinking

It is vital to challenge children’s thinking moreover, with the help of cues because they are resistant to other’s opinions. Cues make the child believe they came up with the idea themselves and feel confident in themselves and less aggressive. Cross questioning them with ‘why’ aids them to think of a reason for their behavior.

Show Affection

The child might feel strong emotions accompanied with rage like anxiousness, and even hate. Showing affection with light touching and hugs to regain control over the emotions and helps cool off the anger.

However, excitement in any childhood stage, adults should teach the child to express anger through words rather than in behavior.

If you feel that you are unable to help your child control his or her anger. Please consult with an experienced Psychologist.

To learn more about Mentriq click here

All images courtesy Pixabay

The initial stage of child development, from birth till the age of 3 years, the toddlers develop an understanding of the world and acquires the knowledge through their senses and motor movements.

The baby at the sensorimotor stage explores the world by seeing, touching, grasping, biting, sucking, and babbling through trial and error pattern. The toddlers soon develop cognition, becoming aware of their individuality, that they are separate from the world and form their own opinions and want to communicate their likes and dislikes nevertheless still having insufficient self-regulation.

While toddlers are unable to express themselves with no or limited verbal communication. Anger is one of the most vital emotions to help babies communicate their needs and wants to their parents or caregivers.

At this stage, the toddler also develops object permanence. This is the understanding that an object still exists even if it is removed from the present environment. Anger is toddlers is largely seen in the form of tantrums. But it can exceed that by kicking, snatching, screaming, biting and inappropriate anger coping behavior.

Management of anger in toddlers

Use words and gestures

Solely words may not be enough to stop the child from doing an inappropriate activity. Hence it is vital to use gestures to make the child understand. This can be done with the help of an authoritative voice and a few ‘no-no’ hand gestures.

Toddlers also get physical when angry because they are unable to communicate their strong emotions. Communicating through words and gestures with the toddlers can prove as a cue to them. It can be done in a way like this “you are angry at Rahul because he took your toy away?” This way they will learn to associate words like angry or mad to the feeling and in no time, they will start telling when and why they are angry.

Positive role model

Toddlers learn anger through social learning from surrounding individuals or television. It is important to be a positive role model and provide the child with a healthy environment.

Distraction

A simple way to deal with toddlers when they are being unreasonable or throwing a tantrum is to distract the child away from the situation. A simple ‘hey look at that kite flying’ works well. Distraction should not be used as bribing the child with something fancy.

Teach appropriate behavior

Anger is a very basic emotion and the child should be taught of appropriate behavior to cope with such emotions. It is crucial to sometimes let off the steam with some physical activity, to play or squeeze the play dough, and have them draw their anger. These are some healthy way to get rid of anger in toddlers.

Time out

When the situation blows out of proportion it is ok to take some time off and to go to out with the toddler to walk, or to a neutral place and then calmly talk to them.

Appreciate appropriate behavior

When the toddler engages in healthy and appropriate coping behavior the child must feel appreciated. When the child feels appreciate they engage in more positive coping habits with anger.

To learn more about Mentriq click here

All images courtesy Pixabay