What image comes to your mind when you think of a “Caveman”?

Most likely it would be a picture of someone with a sloped forehead and a comparatively smaller head. A sloped forehead maybe a suggestion of a left prefrontal lobe that is under-developed. This area controls your emotions of aggression. This is also the same area that sustains your feelings of happiness.

The small head of the Caveman according to research suggests a variation in the size of the amygdala(Part of the brain), which has been carried from the reptilian stage of brain development. People who tend to be emotionally chaotic and break into volatile rage have a relatively smaller size of ‘ amygdala”.

The brain of the emotionally volatile people gives them ‘False Positives’, which means they sense ‘Danger” in situations where such a strong response is not required. The overactive Brain(Amygdala) sees danger where there is none.

If you are someone struggling with problems of emotional control; you need to first understand that you are not a caveman. By that, we mean that you do not have to be quick in your responses unlike a man staying in a cave in the forest. You do not have to protect yourself from wild beasts.

In our contemporary world, most of the dangers do not need an immediate reflexive response.

It is better to take your “Timeout”, think before taking an action. The best thing you can do when you start to feel your blood flushing around your ears, or your body trembling out of rage is to leave the situation immediately. Those few minutes of a break will buy you time to start to collect data, rational evidence for and against and process better. The outcome naturally is more productive and you can be creative with the solution.

Return to the situation when you have calmed down completely and you have found a better way to proceed with the problem.

What we are suggesting is: Beware of your tendency to react in an angry caveman way. Step back instead of aggressively moving forward.

When you are in doubt, just try to get out!

To take our free online tests please click here  http://mentriq.in/assessment-mental-health/

Mentriq by Dr. Prerna Kohli is India’s top Mental Health Counseling Provider. To learn more about Mentriq click here  http://mentriq.in/about-mental-health-services/

Sex Addiction in Men is a Mental Illness:

Most of us are aware of a mental health illness known as sex addiction disorder. But, people don’t know the meaning of this illness. Sex addiction is a compulsive sexual behaviour, where this behaviour is no longer for the sake of pleasure. Thus, leading to negative repercussions in the person’s life and relations. A person suffering from sexual addiction will have sexual contact with one or more partner. But, along with it, the person will start to lose interest in the partner. Hence, they will try and find new relations every time.

Sexual addiction is common for both genders. Men and women both can have this illness. But, in this post, we will only focus on the signs shown by men.

Thus, below are few signs of sex addiction in men:

Loss of interest with the current partner:

Having a sexual and intimate relationship is very important for any relationship. But, when a man stops wanting for sexual intercourse it becomes an issue. In this case, the man will start looking for other partners and start having sexual intercourse with them. Thus, losing all interest with their current partner.

A large time spent on Sexual Activities:

When the man’s sexual habit becomes a compulsion, he starts investing most of his time in sexual activities. He will constantly indulge himself in sexual activities, even during his work hours or sleep hours. The reason for this behavior might be different, but the compulsion of his indulgence points towards sexual addiction.

Ready to Jeopardize Work-Life:

As it becomes their compulsion they are ready to give up on their daily activities. Even if their activity starts to disrupt their daily life. He will start taking the risk, by indulging in sexual activities in his workplace. Also, he will be ready to put his sexual needs in front even at his home. He will start watching pornography or masturbation in places where it is inappropriate.

Irritable:

He will start getting irritated about smallest of things if his needs are not met. Thus, interruption in his sexual activity will make him angry. Also, he will be irritated when he is not able to or allowed to indulge in the activities. He will start showing withdrawal symptoms just like any other addict.

Excess Risk Taking:

The risk-taking behavior of the man will start increasing. From pornographic material, he will start indulging in private rooms and chat. Also, there can be indulgence in child pornography or pay prostitutes to fulfill his needs. He can also indulge in voyeurs in public places and indulge in illegal behavior to fulfill his needs.

Sexual addiction is a serious mental health illness. We need to understand that this behaviour is not under their control. Hence, It has become a serious addiction for them. Sexually addictive behaviour can be a cover for some other mental illness. Hence, if you or someone you know is suffering from sexual addiction, then please visit a mental health professional immediately.

Read our blog on Inside a Rapist’s mind.

To take a free online test for sex addiction click here

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To schedule an appointment with our Counsellors, please call +91-9-069-069-069

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In a recent study of more than 500 business leaders to find out what sets great employees apart. The researchers were curious about what makes some people more successful at work than others.  Leaders chose “Personality” maximum number of times.

78% of the leaders said personality sets exceptional employees apart, whereas 58% chose the option of cultural fit and, 39% leaders gave importance to employee skills

The problem with the research is that the leaders have not understood the meaning of “ personality”. Personality consists of more or less stable sets of preferences and patterns through which we deal the world. Hence, Personality starts forming from early childhood and is fixed by the time of adulthood.

Personality is also distinct from IQ and EQ. The leaders have misinterpreted it here. What leaders generally referred to are EQ skills, which is not as rigid as personality.

EQ skills can be learned, practised and put to use by everyone to reach a more productive position in life and derive maximum satisfaction.

Here are some of the skills that set exceptional employees apart:

They delay gratification

They do not do work to get rewards; So, do not expect reward or recognition to come before the work is complete. They do their best work without expectations and are not concerned if not recognized for their work. Exceptional employees do not have feelings of intimidation or entitlement.

They tolerate conflict well

These people do not engage in any kind of conflicts, however, if it does occur they face it logically and calmly.

Keep focus

Exceptional employees focus on what is important. These employees know the difference between real problems and background noise and hence focus on what matters most.

They are courageous

These people are courageous enough to speak their mind when others are not whether it’s a simple question or an important strategic decision. However, they balance it with common sense and right timing. They think before they speak.

Have control over their ego

They do not give more importance to their ego than what is required. These people candidly admit their mistakes and are ready to do things according to someone else’s way.

They keep growing

Exceptional employees keep growing and improving no matter how well the things maybe at present.

They recognize when things break and fix them

These exceptional employees see problems immediately and try to fix them. They do not walk by the problems.

They take responsibility’

These people own the results of their decision whether they are good or bad.

They can be marketed

People like these people inside as well as outside the Organisation. Hence, they can carry the brand image of the company well. They have integrity and leadership skills.

They are good at neutralizing toxicity

Even in the worst situations, these people can approach rationally. They consider even the difficult person’s opinion and find a common ground.

 “He who believes he can and he who believes he cannot are both correct.” -Henry Ford 

Your thoughts make you who you are; they either make you or break you.What you speak to yourself when alone is very important.Self-talk i.e, the thoughts you have about what you feel and why you feel so can make you Hopeful or Hopeless about your Life. For example, when you make a mistake, you can either magnify the negativity or turn your mistake into being productive.

Negative self-talk is not real, it is unnecessary and counter-productive. You get into a spiral downward emotionally from where it becomes very hard to pull yourself out.

Research has found that more than 90% of top performers are emotionally intelligent. Additionally, it was found that these high EQ people have an important ability to identify and control their negative self-talk so as to reach their full potential.

Some of the negative self-talk is more common to all of us and hold us back. Be –Mindful; and do not bow down to these thoughts.

Success is equal to Perfection

If perfection is your goal, you will waste a lot of time lamenting what you could not achieve instead of rejoicing what you have already achieved. To err is human.

My Destiny is predetermined

You are not destined to fail or succeed eternally. Your future is always in your control. Although, at times life becomes really difficult to deal with; situations will always change in accordance with the efforts you make for it. Be willing to take whatever comes your way rather than blaming other things outside of yourself.

I “always” or “never” do that

There is nothing in life that you “always” or “never” do. If you refer to your behavior as always and never, it is a form of self-pity.You might do something a lot and somethings not enough.Talking to yourself in such a way makes you feel out of control and hence you will be less likely to make changes.

I  will  Not  succeed without others approval

You are not as good or bad as other people’s judgment of who you are.Turn off other people’s opinions of whether you are a success or a failure. Try to take the opinions of other people with a grain of salt. Your self-worth should come from your own assessments, not from others evaluation of who you should be.

My Past is equal to my Future

If you have failed several times in your past, you start to believe that you will also fail in future.Repeated failures will erode your self-worth and confidence.Most of your failures are from trying to do something new.Just keep up your spirit and do things that will make you rise up from every failure every time.

My emotions are a reality

How you feel at a particular situation is not necessarily what the truth is. Your emotions are a result of your beliefs and evaluation of the situation. Try to challenge those negative beliefs that hold you back.

Mentriq by Dr. Prerna Kohli is India’s top Mental Health Counseling Provider. To learn more about Mentriq click here  http://mentriq.in/about-mental-health-services/

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Do you have a person in the family who is alcoholic, gambler, or is suffering from any other addiction? Are you the one always present to help this person? Do you sacrifice your own needs to fulfil theirs? If the Answer is “Yes” to all these questions, you may be suffering from

CO-DEPENDENCY.

“ Co-Dependency is the unhealthy habit of sacrificing your own needs to fulfil the needs of someone else”.

How do you know you are Co-dependent?

Co-dependency is not a diagnosable disorder since the signs are broad and the range is wide. The primary symptoms are that you care a lot about pleasing others and have an extreme need for validation and approval; You fulfil this need by caring and rescuing others. You are also fearful of being alone without the intimate partner and deny your own emotions.

An example of Co-dependent behavior could be that a husband whose wife is an alcoholic makes excuses to other people about the wife’s drinking behavior by blaming it on a life situation. The husband here becomes an “Enabler”.Hence, An enabler is a person who enables the habit of the addict wife.

What could be the reason of Co-dependence?

Co-dependency is a behavioral problem, whose roots are in childhood. So, this generally happens when there is a role reversal in the parent-child relationship or a child has grown up in a family of drug addiction or experienced abuse emotionally or physically. In all these cases the child is constantly required to meet the needs of others and hence, he learns to suppress his own needs. So, these behaviors continue to influence the child’s adult relationships.

How to treat Co-dependency?

If you are a Co-dependent person, you will have a very low self –esteem and a lot of need for validation to acknowledge that you are on the right track. Hence, psychotherapy will help you build your self-esteem. Additionally, Childhood behavior patterns are explored and current destructive behavior patterns are evaluated. Individual and group therapy will help a Co-dependent person identify his self-defeating behaviors and rediscover his own identity. Also, treatment mainly focuses on uncovering buried childhood feelings and reconstructing the family structure. Hence, the goal of therapy is to make the co-dependent experience all kinds of emotions again.

To Learn more about Mentriq

Mentriq by Dr. Prerna Kohli is India’s top Mental Health Counseling Provider. To learn more about Mentriq click here  http://mentriq.in/about-mental-health-services/

To schedule an appointment with our Counsellors, please call +91-9-069-069-069

When it comes to time, we are all given the same package of 24 hours every day. Yet it seems like some people have double the time. They get multiple things done at the same time, juggling between several projects and reach their goal on or before time.

How do some people become so productive?

One obvious answer would be that they value their time. Hence, they are hell-bent on squeezing out every bit each hour without giving much extra effort. Mr. Warren Buffet once said that he keeps a few days in his schedule diary totally empty.These are the days when it has no appointments or meetings; On being asked about how he manages to have so much free time in spite of the stature he holds.He replied saying “ I can buy anything I want with the money, but I cannot buy Time with money”.

Ultra-productive people know this, and therefore they use hacks that could increase their productivity.

Here are some of them that you can put to use:

End the Tyranny of Urgency

Do not engage yourself in putting off the fire when you are building momentum on things that really matter.Productive people are good at spotting these tasks and delegating them to others.These little things eat up your time and distract you from things that really matter.

Do not touch the same thing twice

By this I mean, Productive people do not put things on hold. If you have to come back to the same work twice, it is a waste of precious time.Do not put an email in a draft or a phone call for tomorrow. Whenever you spot a work that is to be done, delegate it or delete it.

Eat Frogs

“Eating a frog” is an antidote to procrastination and productive people eat frogs as an appetizer every morning. In other words, do the most dreadful and monotonous work first every day.This technique keeps you free for the rest of the day to do work that gives you inspiration.

Do not multitask

Do you feel you can multi-task very efficiently? Then this might be a spoiler for you.A recent research has found that people who multitask are less productive than people who do one thing at a time.Frequent multitaskers are even worse than people who do one single task at a time. People who multi-task have a lot of trouble organizing their thoughts and filtering out irrelevant information.

Get ready for tomorrow before you leave office

Prepare for the next day to be more productive.This practice will solidify what you have accomplished and will also make your tomorrow productive.It is a great way to end your day.

Stick to the schedule of the meeting

Meetings are a big waste of time.If you let a meeting to drag, it can go on forever, so inform everyone attending the meeting to stick to the schedule.This will motivate others also to be more focused and efficient.

Keep a designated time to check your email and phone

Do not let email or mobile notification interrupt you constantly.Use autoresponders to reply emails stating people when you will reply back.Set alerts and pop up features for the most important vendors.

Say ‘no’ Often

Avoid phrases like “ I don’t know” or “ I am not certain”.Say NO more often. When you say No to further commitments, you give honor to your existing commitments. It will lower down stress, burnout, and even depression.Saying No will lift your mood and increase Productivity.

Mentriq by Dr. Prerna Kohli, is India’s top Mental Health Counseling Provider. To learn more about Mentriq click here

Dr. Prerna Kohli is India’s topmost Psychologist; she has been recognized and awarded by the President of India. To learn more about Dr. Kohli click here

To take our free online tests please click here

To schedule an appointment with our Counsellors, please call +91-9-069-069-069

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Sex addiction is the Umbrella term and Porn Addiction is a subset of the same.So, It refers to a range of behaviors that are done in excess and have a negative impact on Your day to day life.

Let us look at the issue statistically:

It was found that

• 1 out of 5 searches on mobile phones are related to pornography
• 20 percent men admit watching pornographic videos at work
• 88 percent of the porn clips portray physical aggression and
• 49 percent contain verbal aggression.

There is a lot of ongoing debate on whether watching porn is healthy or unhealthy, with no clear answers. Some communities and experts opine that watching porn in any quantity is unhealthy whereas others suggest that there are healthy doses of porn that actually impact positively. As with all kinds of addiction, there is an emotional pain that the addict tries to evade and it opens its way to dependence on something else.

The stages of porn addiction

Initial Exposure: Guys get exposed to porn at a very early age. You find it exciting and the ideas make an impression on your mind and give you a high similar to that of dopamine.

Addiction: This is the second phase. You start coming back to porn and it becomes a part of your life.

Escalation: In this stage, you crave for more and look for alternative sources where you can get more graphical porn.

Desensitisation: Since you start to eventually become numb. Hence, the best graphic, exciting and innovative porn also doesn’t give you the same high and you become anxious.

Acting out in real: This is a dangerous jump many men take. Here, they shift from paper and graphic images to porn in the real world.

Signs of Porn Addiction

• Viewing excess pornography. Since excess is subjective; if it starts impacting your life or someone else’s life, it is a red flag.
• Watching patterns that interfere with your day to day functioning and responsibilities.
• You spend a lot of time on finding more and more stimulating types of pornography.
•  Experience emotional distress, and withdrawal symptoms when you cannot watch porn.
•  You do not stop using pornography in spite of serious consequences like loss of job, loss of a relationship, contracting sexually transmitted disease etc.
• Masturbating compulsively, leading to sexual dysfunction.
• You watch porn to alter your mood states like anxiety, negative emotions or sadness.

If you feel that you are experiencing any of the symptoms above, speak to a healthcare professional. He can better understand your behaviors and suggest treatment options.

To take a free online test for sex addiction click here

To Learn more about Mentriq

All pictures courtesy Pixabay

You are obsessed with happiness, and it eludes you at every step.

If you see the commercials on the television or all the products that are marketed to you; You will find one common product that all of them are selling is  “ Happiness”.

How do you find happiness and sustain it?

In a recent Research on happiness, it was found that all of us have a “Set Point”. When you buy a dream house, dream car or lose a job, there is an increase /decrease in the happiness but later you drop down to your “ set point”.

The astonishing breakthrough that the research made is that you can make yourself happy, permanently. Your genetics contribute 50 percent to the set point,10 percent is determined by life events and as much as 40 percent is completely on us. A large portion of your happiness depends on your habits, attitude, and outlook.

So, this finding also suggests that whatever you achieve in life, that happiness is not going to last forever. Happiness, therefore, is not a place that you can reach but a journey you have to take. Happiness is rooted in your daily habits, and not in an extraordinary moment of achievement.

Adopting a new habit like, being optimistic or having a positive attitude is hard, but eliminating negative habits can put your “set point” in order.

Vaccinated to Awe

Every day there are moments in your daily life that amaze you, especially in today’s technology-driven world.You should know where to look for those awe-inspiring moments. These moments make us humble and remind us that the universe is limitless and we are not the center of it. You should not allow these moments to slip off your shoulder.

Making yourself alone

Your first reaction when unhappy is to make yourself alone but it is the worst thing to do in such circumstances. Every one of us will experience days when we just want to hide under the sheets instead take the harder way. Go out and socialize. It will make the difference right away.

Blame others

You are happy when you are in control of your life and circumstances, but when you blame someone you give up your control to someone else. This is detrimental to the feelings of happiness and is bad for your mood. Blaming is giving someone else the control on your life.

Control others

You have to be in control of your life to be happy, but if you try to be happy by controlling others it can take you in the opposite direction. You should only try to control yourself to avoid nagging others. Controlling someone requires you to apply some amount of force or fear even if for a short term which will make you feel negative about yourself.

Criticize others

Judging others or criticizing is an indulgence which you would love to do but later feel guilty. All of us understand that criticizing is a bad habit though it makes us feel better momentarily unless you are a sociopath. Speaking ill of others creates a negative spiral.

Complain about things

The worst part about this is that it drives people away from you. It is a self-reinforcing behaviour. If you keep thinking about the bad state of affairs, you will reaffirm your negative beliefs. Talking about what bothers you is therapeutic and makes you feel better whereas complaining does the opposite.

Impressing others

Do not try to impress people with your car, house, dress or other material things. It is a futile endeavour. There are a lot of researchers that show that material things cannot make you happy. Find people who accept and like you for what you are.

Negative thoughts

Pessimism and negative thinking is an absolute waste of time. Even when the worst things are happening to you, there will be at least one positive thing to focus on. Pessimistic thoughts are irrational and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you are expecting bad things, you will most likely get bad things. Instead, choose to look at the facts behind your negative thinking.

Comparing your life to others on social media

What you see on social media is far from reality. The filtered images, lovely vacations and exciting lives that people want to portray is not real. A recent research on happiness and Facebook suggested that people who stayed away from facebook reported lower levels of sadness and higher levels of satisfaction than people who continued using Facebook.

Not  setting  goals

Goals give you hope to look forward to future. Set goals that are challenging to you and backed by your values. If you do not set goals, you will move around in all directions wondering why you are stuck and things do not change for you.

Not facing fears

Fear is just an emotion that you have imagined and blown out of proportion. It is just a negative emotion, while danger is real. You can make a choice here; Get addicted to the feeling of euphoria that you will get once you conquer your fear head-on.

Ditching  the present

The past and the future are just chemicals in your brain in the form of memory and expectancies. No amount of guilt can change your past and likewise, no amount of anxiety can change your future. Just focus on your present, the moment on which you have control. Reality is the present; you have to be here to embrace your full potential.

Accept whatever happened in your past.

Accept the future with all its uncertainties. 

Sexual harassment at workplace is becoming a serious problem. The problem is also, the negative attention that it gets from everyone. Moreover, the problem with such troubles of intimate nature is that it comes with a lot of taboo.Sexual harassment will cost you, your peace of mind and productivity.The cases are under-reported due to fear of being Labelled in the workplace.

What is Sexual harassment?

Sexual harassment is any physical contact, advances, request or order of sexual favors; making remarks that are sexually colored, using pornography or any other “Unwelcome”. Similarly, Physical, non-verbal, verbal conduct which is sexual in nature.

Hence,“ Unwelcome” is a very important word in defining sexual harassment. Since, Tolerance is different for different people, if it makes you uncomfortable at a verbal, visual, physical, or psychological level you need to raise an alarm.Understand that if someone touches you over your clothing, it is a sexual assault. If an initially harmless remark does crude and has sexual innuendos attached; So, you should stop it before it escalates.

Likewise, here’re are a few steps you can take to protect yourself from all the emotional and psychological stress that comes with sexual harassment:

1)Confront the person who is harassing you:

Face the harasser, look them straight in the eye and let them know that you did not like what they did.Try to be specific and blunt and do not think about appearing rude to the other person.Also, this is the best step to handle it at your own level.

2)  Put it down on document or report immediately:

If you could not improve the situation by doing step one, document the particulars of the event and the response of the harasser. If it happens again to someone else at the workplace or with you, a reference will be available.

3) Report Immediately, if someone is touching you :

Not to mention, if the touch is sexual or if there is demand for sex, you should inform it immediately to the management.

4)Take action by yourself:

If you feel, you have been sexually assaulted, you can call the police and report the crime. Do not let your guilt or desire to protect the abuser misguide you.Moreover, accept first that you have done nothing wrong and if you report, these kinds of instances can be avoided in future.

5)Take the help of law:

After you have reported a harassment case, if you lose your job or are demoted; take legal help.Let the law investigate and take steps for you.

6)Find Support:

Victims of sexual harassment blame themselves very often in some way or the other. If you feel traumatized, depressed and unable to carry on with your daily life, join a support group or Professional Counseling. Also, you will eventually feel powerful if you decide to act proactively and end sexual harassment.

Whether you Choose to agree or disagree, it is a fact that your Job takes a huge part of your Life. We spend more time in our jobs than our families. If your Job satisfies your needs, is rewarding and makes you joyful, it is absolutely worth the time. But a bad Job could be a sink of your happiness and peace of mind. It is more similar to a Bad Marriage.

Let us Find out How?

You do not get the attention you desire:

Your supervisors or boss does not give you the right kind and right amount of attention you seek. Your supervisor does not provide you with enough information, does not answers your questions and gives zero feedback when you absolutely need it. This situation is similar to a spouse ignoring the other partner and zero interaction in times of need.

Your boss does not recognize your contribution:

Partners in a bad marriage do not acknowledge each other’s contributions and sacrifices.

You hope it is the best, but settle:

Very often a bad job or a bad relationship is an outcome of settling down with whatever you get as a result.This in Psychological terms is called “ Satisficing” Which is thinking that a situation is just  good enough” (It is not great!)

You want growth, but your efforts are restrained:

Everyone is not lazy or demotivated to work. You want to learn new skills, take additional responsibilities but the company does not support you. If you have an overcontrolling partner,he/she does the same. They kill your creativity and novelty.

You handle a lot of the Pressure:

A common element is broken teams /partnerships is an imbalance in the way people contribute. If you contribute more than other partners and do not get the same kind of commitment from the other people, it will make you resentful and you will start to hold back.

There is a lot of Negativity:

A good job like a marriage is an important relationship in your life and both of them should bring in a lot of positive emotions. Bad job and marriage instead bring a host of negativity including anger, resentment, sadness, and boredom.

You feel “ locked-up”:

You often stick to a bad job or relationship when you feel you have no alternatives with you; become emotionally or financially dependent and are always dwindling between whether you should leave or work harder to make the situation become liveable.

Do you often feel like not getting up from bed to face the day? Then most likely either the problem is your Job or your Interpersonal relationships.