Sounds simple right?! As simple as it sounds; it is indeed a tough task to achieve that picture perfect happy family that smiles together in the billboards and magazines. Most of you have an ideal situation in mind where you are wise parents who are able to deal with almost all calamities calmly. Although, in real life all families have their own set of inadequacies, flaws and some unsolvable issues, a lot can still be achieved in terms of creating a stable, and safe atmosphere at home.

Here are some steps you can take:

1)Tell your children about your family history

When your children know the stories of people who came before them, they generally have a higher sense of control over their lives and high self-esteem. Have dinner table conversations, about their forefathers. Research shows that children who were told about how their elders overcame a business difficulty or ups and downs in the family, considered their families to be better functioning and hence the higher levels of self-esteem and an integrational self. They had the understanding that they belonged to something that was bigger than their own self.

2)Reduce stress

In a survey to kids, it was asked what their one wish about their parents was? No, it was not to spend more time with parents; they wished that their parents are less stressed and tired. Stress, of parents, weakens kids brains, decreases their immunity, makes them obese, more prone to mental illness, allergies, tooth problems, and allergies too.

3)Have meals together

If you have meals together,  your children have fewer chances of getting addicted to alcohol, drugs, or smoke. They will also have lesser chances of getting pregnant, commit suicide or have eating disorders. In addition, they will have a better vocabulary, good manners, healthier diets, and higher self-esteem. Eating meals together will also ensure your children getting better grades and less behavioral issues.

4)Maintain a power hierarchy

Make sure everyone knows their place in the family, though a hierarchy of power seems like an old idea. It is a good idea to let children have some say in family issues, but you as parents should not lose your footing in order to do excessive justice to this idea. You as parents should hold a firm but kind authority and do not get too indulged with the idea of happiness; have a firm boundary and do not let them blur. When everyone knows their place you can relax about other things.

Do not worry if you cannot be perfect and are not able to implement all of these; remember that no family can be airbrushed like in pictures but always try to do your best. One step at a time is good enough for a happy family!

Learn more About Dr Prerna Kohli

It is very rare to find a narcissist to be aware of his Narcissism; However, if you are one of the enlightened narcissists who want to bring a positive change in your relationships, TRY THIS!

 DO NOT TRY TO DEVALUE OTHERS

If you are aware of your narcissistic patterns, you would also be aware of what I am talking about here. Although, I am aware it is an almost impossible thing for you to do because devaluing other people is your major, all-time coping mechanism. You bring it out at the slightest perceived threat to the superior kind of person that you think you are. Devaluing others makes you feel good about yourself and brings the attention back on you. Try to be creative and find better ways that can bring that attention on you.

Here are a few tips to stop devaluing people:

Understand devaluing

Most of the time you may not be even aware that what you say or do is extremely painful for people around you. You are convinced that if it is the truth everyone has to accept that even if it hurtful to someone. Devaluation means saying words or doing things that bring out other people’s inadequacies and decrease their sense of importance; It brings them below you in a hierarchy of status.

Ask close people

Ask a close friend or a spouse and have an open conversation about what kinds of behaviors and comments they have heard from you that they would consider as devaluing. You should focus just on devaluing, not get into finding out whether those statements were true or rightfully deserved in your opinion.

List them

Make a list for yourself of all the devaluing comments and behaviors; that your friend pointed out in the conversation and carry it with you. Keep adding to this list with the increase in your awareness.

Slow down

Devaluing others comes naturally to you. Slow down. Think before you speak and mentally rehearse what you plan to say. If something sounds devaluing, change the message in your sentence in a kind and neutral way.Remember that everything that you think or is the truth does not have to come out of your mouth. Also, ask yourself if doing or saying the thing that you are about to say useful here or necessary. If you get ‘no’ for an answer, try not to do or say it at all.

Do an empathic emotional review

Do a imagery of the situation and reverse your role as the receiver of whatever you plan to say or do. Ask yourself whether or not you felt devalued by what you just said or did, and if you did feel hurt, Don’t do it!

A Hebrew sage Rabbi said, “ Do not do anything to others that is distasteful to you”.

The major reason the narcissistic relationships are ruined is due to this trait than any other.

Take our Test on Narcissism

You must be very familiar with these glamorous terms Psychopathy and Sociopathy; especially through the movies, series and theatre world. Psychopathy and Sociopathy do not appear in Psychology literature, though there is an umbrella term for these known as an Antisocial personality disorder.

The symptoms of Antisocial Personality disorder are as follows:

• Persistently break or disobey the law
• Deceptive and habitual liar
• Does not plan ahead and is very impulsive
• Is very aggressive and prone to fighting
• Has no regard for the safety of others
• Is very irresponsible with finances
• Lack of guilt or remorse for his actions

More than 3 symptoms are already present in both psychopaths and sociopaths by the time they are 15 years old

Who is a Psychopath?

Research has found out that a Psychopath is born; that is, a psychopath is a psychopath because of his/her genetic predisposition. However, a genetic predisposition does not ensure that a psychopath has not suffered from a trauma in his childhood. Psychopathy is associated with a physiological brain difference. The region of the brain that is related to impulse management and emotion regulation is underdeveloped.

If you are a Psychopath, you will have trouble forming stable and real attachment with others and your relationships will generally be shallow and artificial. You are also able to manipulate everything in a way that benefits your own cause the most; look trustworthy, presentable, stable and hold goods jobs. You most likely have a loving and happy family and are well educated and most of it is through self-learning.

A Psychopath plans and backs up a crime in detail and hence it is very difficult to unearth.

Who is a Sociopath?

Research has found out that Sociopathy is purely an outcome of environmental factors like abusive or negative environment in childhood which exposed them to emotional abuse, physical abuse or a traumatic experience.

If you are a Sociopath, your actions are more erratic and impulsive than a psychopath. Unlike psychopaths, you have a problem forming an attachment with an exception of Like-minded people. You are also unable to hold stable and long-term jobs or have a normal family life. You cannot manage your anger and have violent outbursts.

As a Sociopath, you are impulsive when it comes to criminal activity and are not able to plan it well. You have no regard for the consequences of your behavior.

Although, both psychopaths and sociopaths pose a lot of risk to the society; the risk is a little higher with psychopaths because they experience lesser guilt and often dissociate from their actions without having any emotional attachment. The pain of others is meaningless to them.

Learn more About Dr Prerna Kohli

Also, Read About the Signs of a Psychopath

The terms Anxiety attack and Panic Attack are often used interchangeably but there is a marked difference. In this article, you will get an idea of how Anxiety differs from a Panic attack. Panic attacks are sudden and involve overwhelming and excessive fear. It is of two types, one is an unexpected Panic attack and another is expected Panic attack. As the name suggests, an unexpected panic attack is without any cause and Expected Panic attack is caused by stressors like in case of Phobias. However, Anxiety includes worry, distress, and Fear which is usually in anticipation of a stressful event, situation or experience. Anxiety is often gradual.

Let us see the difference in Detail

Panic Attack:

Panic Attack is sudden and reaches it’s peak within 10-15 minutes and then starts to subside gradually, and they come continuously one after another in waves. In such cases, it is difficult to recognize when the last one ended and the new one started. You feel extremely stressed,keyed-up, out of wits and worried after the panic attack.

Some common symptoms of a Panic attack include:

• Racing heart-beat or Palpitations
• Increased sweating
• Shaking and trembling
• Smothering or shortness of breath
• Nausea
• Choked feeling
• Discomfort or Pain in the chest
• Dizziness or lightheadedness
• Feelings of detachment from oneself and also feeling unreal
• Fear of loss of control, or of dying
• Numbing or tingling sensation
• Hot flashes or chills in the body

Anxiety  “ATTACK”

Anxiety has a high correlation to worry about a situation or event that is dangerous.Although, this danger could be perceived or real; Because, When you anticipate something and it builds up, it causes a lot of stress and the thoughts become overwhelming and unmanageable. In addition, these feelings make you perceive it as an anxiety attack.

Some common symptoms of Anxiety “ATTACK” include:

• Tensed Muscles
• Sleep disturbance that persists over a period of time
• Inability to concentrate
• Tiredness and Fatigue
• Feeling restless
• Irritable
• Increase in Startled responses
• Racing heart
• Experiencing shortness of breath
• Feeling dizzy

Although Panic and Anxiety “ATTACKS” may appear similar, but Anxiety “Attacks” are generally much less in intensity. However, Anxiety more often than not may last for days,weeks or months whereas a Panic Attack is of a very short duration.

Take our Test on Anxiety

Learn more About Dr Prerna Kohli

Who is a Victim?

A victim is a person who always views his Life through the glass of “I am not at fault or the world/destiny is the reason for all my misery”. He considers himself a victim of other people’s actions and circumstances and is certain that he cannot do anything about it.

Victim Mindset is a very wide spread and debilitating mental process. The Locus of control is always outside the person. Some common beliefs of the victim could be “I can never get what I want”, “People  are responsible for my sadness” and “ Life is tough” etc. He believes in his make-belief stories of “Poor-me” and cannot look past these.He cannot take responsibility for his actions.

If you notice,they will always come with a set of  un-solvable problems, like a boyfriend who deserted them, parents who are after their life or a boss who is responsible for their career problems. They will force you to be their therapist and demand rescuing.

The best way to deal with the “Victim” mentality is:

• Say “NO” with conviction. You do not have to please everyone or worry about what impact it will have on the other Person because people are responsible for their own Lives. If you say a “Yes” just to make the other person feel better, it will make the situation worse. Enabling these kind of behaviors is bad.
• Help the person understand his own patterns of behavior. Tell him that ‘feeling sorry for yourself will not solve your problems”; If you are not ready to discuss solutions, I cannot listen to you for more than 10 minutes”.
• When you set boundaries with the ‘ victim’, he/she will come up with blames like “you are not a good friend , daughter, son, or wife”. Be ready for this but do not succumb to it.
• If the ‘victim’ in your life is a co-worker, listen briefly and acknowledge his problems; But let him know that you have deadlines to meet and have to return to your work.

• Use body language to reduce the engagement time by breaking eye contact, crossing arms or turn your back. Engage as less as you can!
• If you are the “Victim”, remember that Self-Pity is an indulgence. If you did not have to survive genocide, Regular violence,extreme poverty,homelessness or hunger; there is no reason to feel imprisoned.
• Have empathy: It helps you see the other person’s perspective and be kind to them. Because,If you are empathetic you will understand the deeper meaning in people’s behaviors. If a close family member complains that “ you are being selfish”,his motive could be that he wants to spend more time with you.
• Do not categorize this person to be your enemy as it will be a spiritual U-turn.Therefore,Limit how much you  give-IN to their unhealthy patterns.

Learn more About Dr Prerna Kohli

If you always feel like a Victim,you could be having Anxiety or Depression. Take the tests!

Response to Failure is what demarcates a successful person from a person who has failed. When you fail, you become vulnerable by becoming open to interpretation by others.  You suffer from victimization, self-pity and also tend to catastrophize the event. But, No failure is final! You have to choose deliberately what you infer from the event of failure; Either it will be an excuse or a legendary story behind your success. Embrace vulnerability and let your wounds be out in the open; It is only when you accept the shortcomings that you grow out of them.

Attitude is the only Important factor in trying times…

A Study was done by Psychologist Albert Bandura to find out the role of attitudes in the face of failure. He segregated people into two groups and made each group perform an identical management task. Group A was told that the study was to test their management abilities and the Group B was told that the task was just an opportunity to improve, practice and be re-done.  The Researchers intentionally made the task very difficult so that each one fails at it.

Group A, Felt like losers because they weren’t able to perform and were also not able to make any improvement when given a second chance. While, Group B, performed progressively higher with each trial and looked at the failure as an opportunity to improve. When the two groups were asked to rate themselves, Group B was found to be more confident than Group A.

The next time you fail and catch yourself wallowing in self-pity, Focus on the most important thing you can control: Attitude

Keep these in mind when you encounter a failure:

• Everything that is good takes time to happen! Author Gladwell said that, if you want to be a master of anything, invest 10,000 hours of tireless focus.
• Check whether you are Just busy or Productive. Realise that success is not the result of movement but a child of undivided focus. You are the product of your output, not effort.
• Internalise that some events are always out of your control, however, how you react to these is always within your control. Your attitude will turn a mistake into a learning experience and will also ensure that your ego doesn’t go through the roof when you arrive victoriously.
• Do something that makes you feel good about yourself rather than comparing yourself to others. Your self- worth must come from Inside, not from the evaluation of others; that is a very flimsy ground to stay on.
• Perfection is a Fiction. Human beings are bound to make mistakes. If being perfect is your goal you will always fail. Just Try to be better than yesterday.

You will regret nothing but the chances that you didn’t Take. Not that you should take mindless risks but calculated risk. When taking a road less traveled ask yourself “ What is the worst that could happen?”. The worst thing that could possibly happen to you is that you allow yourself to die while you are still alive.

If you want to be successful, learn from your experiences. Learn from the failures and from the triumphs.

Keep changing yourself for the better!

Learn more About Dr Prerna Kohli

Also, read About Procrastination

If you constantly feel like a failure, Take our test on Depression.

Acting without thinking, getting fidgety, daydreaming is normal for kids. They may blurt out things randomly and may not follow instructions. But when such actions continue, it might be a matter of concern. Parents may even label their kid as notorious, lazy or troublemakers.

However, you must give it a thought that the child might have some hyperactivity issues.

ADHD: Meaning, Types, Symptoms

ADHD is a neurological disorder. Lacks of attention, impulsivity or hyperactivity are signs of ADHD.

It has three subcategories- Inattentive, Hyperactive-Impulsive and combination. A child with the disorder may show the following symptoms:

• Fleeting attention
• Absent-mindedness
• Not willing to sit in one place while eating, doing work or watching TV
• Easily distracted
• Forgets and loses things
• Interrupts while others talk
• Can’t wait for their turn
• Need repeated reminders
• Extremely verbal
• Unorganized
• Fidgety and restless

First, ADD or now called the Inattentive type ADHD, has symptoms where the child would be lack focus, forgetful and is unorganized. In turn, they make careless mistakes, are unable to complete tasks under given deadlines, would avoid tasks that involve excess mental efforts and are very easily distracted. Such kids, as they further grow, may face self-esteem issues.

Second, Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD, has symptoms where the child is very fidgety. For this reason, he may not sit in one place, runs a lot, talks a lot. He may have problems waiting for his turn and may interrupt others while talking. There could be situations where he couldn’t even wait for a question to finish and just jabber the answer.

Third, Combination type ADHD has at least 6-7 symptoms of inattentive and 6-7 symptoms of a hyperactive-impulsive type of ADHD.

ADHD is a condition which is actually caused because of the wiring of the brain system and it cannot be cured. But there are treatment options available. Some of them are:

Medication

The medications are helpful in reducing the hyperactivity, impulsive behaviour and improve cognition. Furthermore, they also enable better motor coordination. For instance, the most common are the stimulants that help to produce dopamine and norepinephrine that help with attention and cognition. Apart from that, there are antihypertensive drugs or medicines to improve cognition.

Family Therapy

A support from the family always makes a great influence on the child. It is important for the family to accept the child for all what he got. A positive and understanding attitude from the parents and siblings can really reduce the levels of frustration and self-criticism the child develops over the time.

Behavioural Therapies

This is a kind of psychotherapy which helps the child to alter his behaviour. The child will be able to monitor his behaviour. And every time for the appropriate reaction instead of an impulsive one, the child gets a reward that further encourages him. The people around like family members or teachers should also praise them for every improvement. There are set rules and routines that the child follows.

Social Skills Training

The child is provided with social skills training. This helps him in improved friendships and interpersonal skills, helping them further to develop a healthy social life.

Psycho-educating Families

It is very important for the families to understand the functioning of brain and behaviour of the child. A proper professional explanation would give the family more insight to them about the child. This will help them understand and support their child better.

Quick Tips

Besides the above treatment options available, some quick tips to handle a hyperactive child:

• Monitor sugar intake
• Consult for a diet plan
• Make schedules to be followed
• Follow performance-reward technique
• Help them keep organized
• Make them note down tasks

Does your child have the symptoms of hyperactivity? Or is it just his tantrums? Do you need guidance?

Call us at +91-9069069069.

Food is amongst one of the three basic necessities of life. It is very important for kids to eat healthy and proper food for right growth and development. But the recent scenarios show an increase in the number of eating disorders amongst children. There is no set age for it to develop. It could be an adolescent as well as a kids as young as 6-7 years of age. They are concerned, in an unhealthy way, about what and how much they are eating.

The main types of eating disorders are:

Anorexia

The child has an irrational fear of becoming fat. Hence, would avoid eating an adequate amount of food. In extreme scenarios, some might vomit out food after eating. The child feels overweight, even when the reality is totally opposite.

A kid with this issue shows symptoms like sadness, anger, depression or excessive worry.

Bulimia

The child eats big chunks of food first and then tries to get rid of it either by vomiting or taking a laxative. They might even do an excessive workout, in private, to get rid of the calories. They have no control over their binging and find such ways to keep a control on their weight.

A kid with this issue loses weight despite excessive eating. He starts working out immediately after eating or uses medicines to make them either vomit or defecate or pee.

Binge Eating

The child rapidly eats big chunks of food, but does not make efforts to get rid of the same. This is more of a compulsive behaviour. The victim has loss of control in the situation. They, over the time, tend to gain weight.

A kid with the issue could be struggling with psychological issues like anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, the feeling of guilt and disgust, etc.

Improper eating habit leads to stunt development in kids. Some of the symptoms to watch out are:

1. Refusal to eat or over-eating
2. Reduction or increase in portion size
3. Hoarding or hiding food
4. Isolation
5. Growth and development issues
6. Weight loss or weight gain
7. Irregularities in the menstrual cycle in girls
8. Changes in personality

The disorder not only leads to change in eating habits but can turn out to be life-threatening as well.

There is no specific reason for the eating disorders, but a combination of various psychological, social, biological factors contributes to the problem. The culture phenomenon like being thin or underweight is healthy and makes you more acceptable also adds on. Psychological or psychiatric disorders could also be the reason.

Some of the steps parents or teachers can take on their parts to help the children with eating disorders:

1. Avoid food as a reward
2. Do not give too much value to physical appearance or criticize them for the same
3. Do not force the child to eat beyond the capacity
4. Provide awareness to your child regarding the same
5. Keep a check on their behaviour
6. You can encourage the child to get involved in sports and exercises
7. Encourage and be emotionally available for the child
8. Do not over pressurize the child with unrealistic goals
9. Introduce them to great idols of different shapes and sizes

It is important to seek professional help if the elders are unable to help the child cope up with their problems. The child might need a nutritionist, doctor or a psychiatrist or counsellor, depending on the need. Taking an action, as soon as possible, is important.

Do you feel your child could relate to the above symptoms? Do you want expert advice regarding the same?
Call us at +91-9069069069.

When we say the term ‘bullying’, we often picture a child at school getting picked on. But it could be a child in the kindergarten or in the college to a person working in an MNC or hospital, who is facing it, inflicting it or witnessing it. An adult may be able to handle the situation and come out of it, but when it is a child in the similar scenario, he might have a great psychological impact. This can further affect the development of his personality as an adult in turn affecting the parents and the community.

The popular Netflix series ’13 Reasons why”, the latest “Insatiable”, etc., and movies like ‘Mean Girls’, “A Girl Like Her’, “Hope Floats”, have one thing in common which is the concept of bullying. These show how popular or physically attractive kids torment other kids and get away with it most of the times.
Bullying impacts, not just the kid who gets bullied, but also the one who bullies and the others who see it happening. Let’s see how that happens.

THE VICTIM

Affects the ability to trust

Bullying creates a strong sense of distrust in the child. It might not come to notice initially, but as the child matures and socializes, this profoundly developed mistrust emerges strongly. It becomes one of the major reasons for failed relationships and friendships in the person’s life.

Affects the ability to learn

The child constantly worries about being bullied. He thinks that where, when, why and how he could be targeted next. This leads to lack of concentration and increased levels of stress, distracting him and negatively affecting his brain receptors.

Hatred towards School and Teachers

The child does not feel accepted in the school and feels unsafe. He might start showing great resistance to going to school. A lot of kids drop out of schools and colleges because of the issue. Or even if they continue, the school incidents affect their academic performances. They even tend to develop a strong disliking towards the teachers and the whole school system as they feel helpless and victimized.

Vengeful Behavior

The child feels like nobody cares enough for him. He reaches a point where his anger overtakes his sanity. The child might often act out. He may plan to take revenge from the people around whether they are responsible or not. We have come across many incidents in the news of school shooting and the attacker had a history of being bullied.

Mental Health Issues

Such situations could be emotionally taxing for the child. He constantly faces criticism for looks, clothes, any disability (if there), etc., leads to a low sense of self-worth and creates major self-esteem issues. The child is constantly stressed out. This, if prevails for long, further leads to anxiety issues, depression, PTSD, etc. The child could even become suicidal.

Few symptoms a child might show that indicate bullying at school:
• Change in eating patterns
• Remains aloof
• Change in sleeping patterns
• Avoids socializing
• Exhausted most of the times
• Ignores going to school
• Nightmares
• No play dates

THE ATTACKER

The attacker here would be the one who bullies others. They are likely to:

• Engage in violent behaviour
• Use drugs and alcohol
• Engage in sexual activities early or offensive of nature
• Engage in criminal activities
• Be abusive towards the partner or children
• Develop a sense of entitlement
• Involved in damaging public or private property

THE WITNESS

The kids around witnessing bullying also bear its effects. They are likely to:

• Develop a fear of the bullies
• Skip school
• Involves in drug and alcohol abuse
• Develop mental health problems

Even after making strict laws and rules, we often come across cases of suicides in colleges and schools due to this reason. Such incidents affect the lives of the people around and the families of the children involved. There is an increase in the number of suicide cases because of bullying. People discriminate the victim on the basis of colour, race, nationality, the type of clothes they wear, body structure, etc. And when nobody comes to their rescue, family or friends, it increases the issues they are already going through, affecting their mental well-being.

Do you happen to know a child in such situation? Do you think he needs help? Call us at +91-9069069069.

It’s the last day to submit the report, but you have so much left to do and your friends are waiting in the café for you to arrive.

You have your exam tomorrow, its night already and you have done just one chapter.

Can you relate to such a situation? Do you start doing an important task and get up in between to eat or drink. Sounds familiar? This habit is called procrastination. And you are not alone in this.

Majority of people procrastinate their tasks. You may enjoy the time you spend lazing around, but this habit really hinders your progress and achievement in all aspects of life.

Here are some tips that you could use to deal with procrastination:

Acknowledge

The very first thing that you could do is to accept and acknowledge that you procrastinate. Unless you do that, you cannot move forward. There could be a scenario where you are postponing a task for a genuine reason. But if you find yourself doing the same for every other task, this is a problem.

Make a schedule

You can make a constructive action plan for the day and assign yourself time for the tasks. Follow this schedule religiously and you can feel the change in your way of working.

Prioritizing the tasks

You need to be clear and quick about designating the tasks on the basis of their exigency. It is better to finish the more important tasks first so that you are left with less important tasks for later in the day.

Difficult tasks first

You should always do the difficult tasks first; so that you are left with the lighter work post that. This would reduce your stress level and make your work more qualitative.

Keep a to-do-list

You can either create a soft copy for a to-do-list or keep a diary where you can write down the schedule. As you progress with the completion of tasks, you can mark those that you complete. This will give you a visual input of how much work you have completed and how much is left. This way you can see how efficient you are at your work.

Reward system

To begin with, while trying to curb this habit, you can always keep a reward that you will give yourself, only after you complete an assigned task. This is a way to contrive motivation to perform. This practice will give you that push you require to develop a structured way of doing a task. Also, rewarding yourself will make you happy about yourself, providing further encouragement.

Take help

Ask a friend to keep a check on you so that you do not go out of track. This is how the self-help groups work. You can also plan it out with a fellow procrastinator so that you both can motivate each other to be better.

Avoid distractors

When you sit to do a task, turn off social media, emails, etc. Avoid sitting amongst people or anywhere near a television.

Just to keep an important point in mind, procrastination could be because the person is suffering from a mental health illness. It could be anxiety, depression, OCD. When you notice other symptoms apart from procrastination the problem could be serious. In such scenarios, you would require to seek professional help.