Be Loving:

Get rid of that old wives take that hugging them, holding them, telling them you love them is spoiling your children. There are many children who suffered because their parents were too busy, too selfish and too preoccupied to spent time with them.

Mentriq Team talks about 10 Things to do Every Single day as a parent[/caption]

Act as a Role Model:

Have you ever noticed that you have many of the same attitudes, habits and opinions that your parents had when you were growing up- even though you swore you’d do it all differently. Well, that’s because your parents were your first, important role models and you are now the same as your children.

Involve yourself in your child’s Life:

One of the most important things you can do to safeguard your children is to spend time with them. No one ever feels that they have enough time to do the things they have to do. Strong family ties are formed between children and their parents if a little regular daily effort is made to spend time talking, eating and playing together.

Focus on Flexibility:

Your role as a parent changes as your child grows. What worked well when your child was in the nursery doesn’t necessarily work when she reaches junior school-and is likely to outright fail when she enters adolescence.

Set Boundaries and Rules:

The two most important thing children need from their parents are love and structure. Some of the parents don’t want to repeat the strict upbringing that they experienced, so they go the other way and have no rules and boundaries at all. They then wonder why their children don’t listen to or respect them.

Be Consistent:

The biggest single contribution to a kid’s disciplinary problems is inconsistent parenting. The secret of consistency is keeping your expectation clear and always meeting the same behaviour with the same reaction.

Mentriq Team talks about 10 Things to do Every Single day as a parent[/caption]

Encourage Independence:

From the day you play ‘peek-a-boo’ with your baby, you are preparing her for separation from you. From her first day at school, first sleepover and first school trip to France-to the day your daughter leaves home. Good parenting is the step by step process, a gradual moving out into the big world, confident and independent from you.

Firm and Fair in your discipline:

At each stage of your child’s development, you must establish your rules that you expect your child to obey. Your job is to do what best for your child whether she likes or not. Don’t let your toddler blackmail you into buying that ice-cream just before lunch with a screaming tantrum. You are building an adult part of tomorrow ’s future generation –so stand your ground.

Listen to the first talk later:

Listening to the best gift you can give anyone-including your kids. Listening make children feel valued, heard and understood. It makes them feel important.

Respect your child:

Your relationship with your child is the foundation of her relationships with others. If you treat your child with compassion, kindness and respect, she will grow up to be concerned about others, caring, considerate and respectful towards other people.

All Images are from Pixabay

To learn about our founder Dr. Prerna Kohli, click here

It is better to deal with situations well in advance which may later create problems and lead to maladjustment.

This fact is equally applicable to anger.  If the emotion of anger goes beyond control then the individual may suffer from various physical, physiological as well as psychological problems at later stages. So now the question arises – how to deal with anger well in advance? At an earlier stage, if you feel you are angry towards some event, person or object, there are certain

ways with the help of which you can control or express your anger in most constructive or healthiest way.

Follow the traffic rules:

Yes! The way you follow the rules of the traffic while driving can be equally applied to real life situations. The red light of the traffic signal says- stop. If you are in a situation where you feel that

your level of anger is going out-of-control anger, first of all, stop the thoughts that are coming to your mind instantly. Inhibiting of thoughts at this stage will help you to apply your logic. Now, try to find out the reason why do you think you should be so angry?

At times we imitate the ways which we have learned from our elders ever since our childhood. If we observed others in our family screaming, hitting each other, or throwing things, then the lesson that we might have learned is that this is how anger is supposed to be expressed. Traumatic events and high levels of stress can make us more susceptible to anger as well. Now when you have applied your rational thinking, your body changes like an increased heartbeat, sweating, breathing have slowly reached back to the normal condition. This is the state of the yellow light of the traffic signal which says- get ready.

Now, with your full senses under your control, you are ready to face the situation, which is similar to the green light of the traffic signal which says go and face the situation in the smoothest way.

Control your act and then react:

 Anger might not always be the result of the unfavorable situation, person or object. At times, frustration, unmet needs, embarrassment, insecurity, hurt, shame, or vulnerability might be the

underlying factors that might have generated the feelings of anger within you. In order to express anger in appropriate ways, it is necessary for you to realize and accept the real feelings and immediately deal with it. It is always better to face reality instead of reacting merely on the basis of assumptions.

Avoid situations which provide warning signals:

Even before you are aware of your own reaction, the body starts reflecting certain warning signs,  like emotional feelings, anger is also a requisite. It fuels the “fight or flight” system of our body and therefore prepares us to either confront the situation or avoid and move away from the situation. If ever you have another chance to face a similar unpleasant situation, or a negative thought towards some person, object or event which made you angry, then it is better that you avoid or stay away from such situations. It is because, the angrier you get, the more your body gets exhausted. Becoming aware of triggers of anger in your self can help a great deal in dealing with your anger before it is out of control.

Certain stressful events that trigger anger can also be identified. Diary writing is one of the best ways. With the help of which you can keep a track of your regular routine and try to identify activities. Maybe you get into a fight every time you go out with a certain group of friends. Or it may be the traffic that you face daily while going or coming from your office which drives you crazy. These are nothing but the triggers that you need to be aware of and you have to think about ways to avoid these triggers or view the situation differently so it does not make you feel angry.

All Images are from Pixabay

To learn about our founder Dr. Prerna Kohli, click here

Cyber Addiction

Cyber addiction is a kind of behavioural addiction. Behaviour addiction  is the failure to defend against an desire, force, or temptation to perform an act that is damaging to the person or to others. In the last two decades, internet has rapidly become a way of life. One of its effects has been excessive use of internet to the extent of neglect of all other interests and responsibilities.

7 signs of cyber addictions:

Salience – Salience occurs when a use of internet  becomes the most important activity in a teen’s life and dominates thinking , feelings , and behaviour.

Mood modification – Use of internet modifies the mood and provides pleasure, comfort and may be relaxing.

Tolerance –Increasing the use or engagement in an internet activity is required to achieve the same  pleasurable effect.

Withdrawal symptoms –Experiencing unpleasant feeling states and physical symptoms following to discontinuation.

Conflict – Behaviour may lead to conflicts between the users and those around them , conflicts with other activities (job, social life, hobbies and interests) or within the individual themselves.

Disregard of harmful consequences: continued excessive use despite harmful Consequences.

Hiding from friends and relatives: deception of actual costs and time to maintain habit.

Prominent features of the Cyber addictions may be described by 4 Cs as follows:

Craving:  User often thinks about the particular activity (e.g., internet), while she or he is engaged in other activities.

Control: Addicted users feel difficulty in controlling or stopping the use or engagement in the particular activity.

Compulsion: Person keeps himself or herself engaged in the particular activity though there are other things to do.

Consequences: Adolescents experiences problems in academic, interpersonal, and occupational area. They suffers psychological distress due to excessive engagement in the particular activity.

Next Steps to think about : If you identify the symptoms of cyber addiction in your teens, talk to the  experienced psychologist about getting help.

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Depression is the most common mental health problem or set of problems among teenagers.

Teens or adolescents can become persistently depressed. Adolescents with depression may present with suicidal thoughts, self-harm, self-mutilation, severe self-neglect, starvation or extreme agitation. 

They start feeling sad all the time. And the sadness does not get better in response to changes in circumstances and may be worse in the morning. Sometimes teens may be anxious or irritable. The teenager worries about trivial matters and have negative thinking. They express that they are incapable of doing anything, feel worthless and nothing good is going to happen to them in the future. He or she may express guilt about their past acts or decisions. They lose interest in day to day activities and do not enjoy previously pleasurable activities like watching television, reading the newspaper, meeting with friends and family.

Your teen may feel tired even without doing much activity and have difficulty in carrying out day to day tasks. They complain of memory loss which is due to poor concentration. Their speech, walk, and other actions become slow. They also start withdrawing from social interactions and prefer to stay alone.

Common symptoms include a combination of: 

• Low self-esteem and negative self-image
• Somatic complaints
• Social withdrawal
• Depressed mood
• Marked diminution of or loss of the capacity to enjoy things (Anhedonia).
• Anxiety (including separation anxiety) and agitation.
• Irritability or anger (to self or others) and lowered frustration tolerance.
• Loss of appetite (with loss of weight in the more severe form) or increase in food intake (‘comfort eating’)
• Sleep problems of various kinds – an anxious child or adolescent with Depression may have trouble falling asleep or be stay awake by depressive thoughts. In the most severe form, the young person wakes early can’t get back to sleep and lies awake with profound feelings of hopelessness; others they will want to stay in bed and sleep for long periods.
• Suicidal ideation: this is uncommon in pre-pubertal children, but children of this age may express thoughts of, for example, running away or jumping into the middle of the road or out of a window.

Moreover, Suicidal ideation is more common in adolescents with depression, sometimes as a fleeting thought but sometimes as a more formed idea and with clear intention to act on this.

Finally, if you are the parent or guardian of a teenager who is suffering from depression, please meet with an experienced Psychologist. When the treatment of depression starts early it can be treated. Untreated depression can become chronic and it is far more complex to heal.  As Frederick Douglass said, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults.”

To learn about our founder Dr. Prerna Kohli, click here

All images courtesy of Pixabay

To learn more about Myths about Depression click here

A pretty weird video was taking the social media by storm sometime back; This was of a boy applying chili on his girlfriends’ tampon. The girl is seen screaming and desperate while she is being filmed in a very embarrassing situation. This phenomenon is called Cloutlighting.

What all effort would you make to build your online presence? Whose privacy would you invade to get a few more likes?

You must have seen a lot of disturbing videos and photos online. Making pranks and fooling people has become a common topic of videos online. These distressing photos and videos are horrible and on the rise and it definitely makes you desensitized to these insidious horrors. These kinds of videos gain more likes when it sexual in nature.

Cloutlighting?

A new Genre of videos has emerged which is a form of Abuse called Cloud lighting. This term is made up of two terms, Clout meaning influence that is majorly digital and Gaslighting, which is referred to as psychological manipulation to change the victim’s reality.

Although, some of the videos look very harmless, where a boy takes away his girlfriend’s last bit of food and she is upset about it. The girlfriend is visibly and clearly very sad about what happened, she is told that she is ‘old milk’ that is ‘spoilt’. The words and actions are clearly damaging, But It is important to understand what would have made a person film such a moment and upload it on the internet.

The video of the youtuber who put chilly flakes in a tampon got more than Two lakhs subscribers but it brings up questions of how much Safety is there in a relationship, epidemic thoughtlessness and Subtle but extreme Abuse that is rampant.

Online Rules you should follow:

• Respect Other’s privacy
• Be Vocal, but keep it civilized
• Take permission from your near-ones when posting their photos and videos
• Check your urge to get ‘Likes’
• Always assess the impact of your actions before taking a step
• Check what you “Like’ and ‘Share’. Be Mindful
• ‘Tag’ with Care!

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All of us want our kids to grow up Joyful and Independent. We expect them to be loved,to love,to find their’s dreams and pursue them to success. We want our kids to be sadness Proofed from birth which is grossly meant as we want them to be Joyful throughout life.  But can we control as parents how happy or sad our Kids will be?

Science says that the family environment in which a Child thrives is very important for his Positive growth and happiness. Although,it might seem like some kids are born happy while other kids look a bit Grumpy,due to their genetic makeup; genes are malleable and can be altered by the environment. That is to say that If you want your child to be optimistic and happy,give them the gift of an optimistic and happy Home.

Here are a few additions or Changes you can make in order to enhance your Child’s capacity to absorb and experience Joy:

Do not make any effort to make your Child Happy

We spend a lot of our Parenting days just thinking about how we can fulfill all our kids wishes and also feel guilty for not being able to some of them. When you fulfill all your kids demands and wishes, you create a bubble for them which is completely different than the real world where they will eventually have to thrive.  Always keep this in mind, “You are not responsible for your kids emotions”. You have to allow them to feel sadness,anger,and negative feelings so that they know how to deal with them later as adults and develop the necessary coping skills.

Make an effort for your own happiness

You cannot control how happy your kid is whereas you can and are responsible for your own happiness. Your kids will imitate and absorb everything from you and if you are happy,they will more often than not be happy people. The best thing you can do for your child’s Emotional health is to be happy yourself. Find out time for relaxation,rest, and Romance with your spouse. When you have a beautiful relationship with your spouse,your child will be naturally happy.

Create space to succeed as well as to Fail

Give your child to acquire several skills instead of learning to be a master of praising yourself. If you want your child to have a healthy self-esteem, teach him how to strive for mastery. Allow them to learn to crawl,walk,feed themselves, ride a tricycle etc ; while you take a back step. The biggest mistake that you will do as a parent is to do too much for your kids. It is difficult to watch your kids struggle for something but it is important to fail to achieve mastery. When your kids know how they can fail several times before they have mastered something,it is easier to welcome future challenges with optimism and courage.

Give your children real Responsibility

Happiness is the byproduct of the feeling of doing work that matters and also being valued by others. If you do not have that feeling ,you fear you might be excluded from the group and research has established that human beings fear being excluded more than anything else. We have a desire to feel needed. You can make your child feel needed by giving them real work responsibility at home. It could be sorting spoons and forks at the age range of 3 years to helping in gardening for a 10-12 years old child.  The contribution by your child will plummet his self-esteem from a very tender age.

Happiness Research has consistently laid stress on ‘Gratitude” as an important factor of happiness. You cannot expect your child to keep Gratitude journal,but you can make a routine of Gratitude speech during meal time,where the adults express their gratitude about something in their own lives by turn each day.

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Diwali is around the corner and all of us are busy cleaning our homes and throwing out Clutter. This is one time of the year when everything sparkles, shines and lights up. Most of you must have experienced the uneasiness of a cluttered kitchen or messy workstation. Clutter builds up a lot of stress and this is now backed by science too that there are some major mental health benefits of decluttering.

Let us find out how decluttering can help:

Concentration is Improved

A study has found out that if you live in a physically cluttered place, you are more distracted and multitask more often. This will result in poor performance and high stress. If you have a cabinet full of organized boxes and stacked documents, you will be experiencing less frustration and improved focus. When you have a better focus, you can tackle all big and small jobs with better efficiency.

You are in a Better Mood

Staying in a cluttered space can make up feel overly irritated because your brain will process this as a situation in which you have a life that is scattered. It makes you feel sad. Decluttering your space will give you a real sense of achievement. A study has also found out that there is a correlation between cortisol levels and the number of objects in your home. The number of objects you have, the more stress you will experience.

Positive self-esteem

When you declutter, you have a lot of portion that you have to donate or recycle. Both these activities of donating and recycling will boost your self-esteem and increase positivity. Organizing and decluttering will also improve you as a person and improve your relationships.

Ignite creativity

In yet another study, it was found that if you stay in a clean and minimalist environment, you can be more creative. When you work in a clean, neat and organized environment, your creative juices start to flow. You can improve skills like writing, music or art more in a decluttered space. You will create a lot of space in your head and there is a chance that you will come out with your next big-idea soon.

Have a better sleep

You will have a problem with sleeping if you sleep in a messy room, more chances are that you will have disturbed and interrupted sleep. Your mind will never be at rest.

Increases Self-efficacy

When you declutter your space,you are making multiple descisions and solving several problems where you have organize your stuff in a specific space. It will test your reasonableness and quick descision making about whether you want to keep or discard an item. This will  make you more confident  in descision making.

If you have a lot of clutter around your home and workspace, most likely you are a hoarder and it is very difficult for you to throw away clutter; But The advantages of organizing and having a clutter-free space outweighs the negatives if any.

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 ” Marriage is a long term-commitment where both the partners are willing to give whatever it takes to reach their goal of a Happy Marriage. Happy marriages do not happen by fluke but take a lot of effort”. 

Here are a few steps you can take to reach towards your goal of a Happy Marriage:

Remind yourself and your partner that you appreciate them.

Every Relationship is going to fade out ultimately in time if a little effort is not put into it. The first step is to appreciate each other for even small things that remain unnoticed otherwise.

Most of the marriages that don’t last are because of emotional dissatisfaction and not just physical relationships. When you don’t feel connected, there are high chances that you would be lured into lustful glances from another women/ Man and vice- versa.

Practice “Thank You “

In a long-term relationship usually, couples start taking each other for granted and that is one of the reasons they lose respect for each other. There is a certain expectation that is set and you need to abide by it. Sometimes you don’t care even if your partner goes beyond his/her comfort to do something special.

There is a need to express gratitude for even smaller things. I think it is a great way to keep that spark in your marriage. Do not keep scores of whatever both of you do for each other or the family. It is not a mature way to handle. These kinds of behaviors eventually reduce the trust and connection that you have built.

Honesty is the best policy…

Its okay if you have maxed out a credit card or two, but hiding that from your wife/husband is not the right thing to do. Overspending can be a problem and many times the financial crisis can come back to bite you. It is always good to talk to each other and cut down on your expenses for that period.

If you are planning a trip you can always communicate that it is not gonna work because you have already so many liabilities. It just does not apply for money, it also does for other important things in life.

Don’t  let go on the appearance

In the long run, usually people let their appearances slide, and that could unknowingly impact your marriage as well. Always think about your first date with her and think whether you would feel okay to meet her in your jammies and sweatshirt? Try to be presentable. Pay courtesy to your spouse by making yourself look good like you do for your friends.

You should also try to compliment each other once in a while in a marriage, It boosts confidence and improves intimacy.

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Some of the young men who approach our clinic for counseling are lonely and want companionship and are looking for a lady friend.

The challenge faced by them is two-fold:

• Growing up they were either in single-sex school and didn’t have the opportunity to mix with girls or learn how to form healthy relationships with girls
• Indian media, especially movies made in India show the hero to be a stalker and this stalking leads to the lady falling in love with the hero. Unfortunately, this is only possible in movies as in real life women detest stalkers.

So how does a young man make a lady friend? The following pointers will make it easier for you to meet more ladies.

Be comfortable being alone: Your objective should be to make a good friend and not a girlfriend. Being around women will help you appreciate the conversations and things that they enjoy.

Be helpful: Help a neighbor move stuff, help a colleague with her assignment. Be kind, be generous, but don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of. Your task is to be honestly generous instead of expecting a return,the consequences will follow if they have to.

Approach lots of girls: Be consistent in having conversations, don’t be shy in saying hello, and also step back if you don’t find her engaging back.

Do not be afraid: Don’t be afraid of rejection. Not every person you meet will want to be your friend.

Don’t make excuses: If you see a girl you find attractive, approach her respectfully. Don’t make excuses for yourself such as “she most probably already has a boyfriend”, “why would she be interested in me”

Have fun: If in your conversation, or interaction you aren’t having fun then please don’t proceed further.

Network: The more people you know, the larger your pool of friends they will have more friends and your probability of meeting more girls will increase

Take care of yourself: If you are well dressed and well groomed half the battle is won.

Giving compliments: Practice giving genuine compliments, don’t give fake compliments but make them genuine and realistic.

Be respectful: Be polite and respectful, don’t use foul language while in the company of girls. Unlike your guy friends, these are girls that you want to impress.

At the end of the day, you are looking to make new friends, and if this friend happens to be a girl and becomes your girlfriend you have achieved in making yourself and this other person happy.

All of us want to better ourselves as an Individual, but we are often convinced that it is not possible to become better once we are into adulthood. But, that is not true, there is always a scope for more improvement. We will get into the details of what are the cardinal steps to become a better person, but it is important that we  always have the best interests of others in mind along with our own well-being

Learn to manage your Anger

All of us experience anger on a daily basis,but if it goes out of control, it can ruin your interpersonal relationships and play havoc with your health. The first step to manage your anger is to acknowledge that you are angry instead of denying it. Notice what is making you angry and why it is making you angry. There is a difference between feeling anger and acting angry; Recognize that! Try to accept that there are many sides to a story, for example,e if your friend acted rudely with you, try to find out if everything is going good in his life or not. He may be having a tough time and it is not about you at all. Try to change your thoughts about the object of your anger.

You can also practice mindfulness to manage anger; Do not carry leftover resentments and grudges from yesterday into your present. Forgive! It will do tremendous good to you .” Let go of the control of your past over your present”.

Help others

This is an obvious route that you take to become a better person! Helping others increases your good deeds list. Apart from this obvious reason research has found that altruism has a direct connection to feeling happy and adds to your emotional well-being. You feel better when you give than when you receive, and research has proven that. It makes you feel good about yourself and also relieves stress. You experience personal growth, increase in confidence, self-esteem, become more self-aware, and ward off depression. The best part is you can practice it anywhere, right now.

Analyze and utilize your Strengths

When you do activities that you love to do, it is fulfilling and you experience what is called “ Flow”. You experience flow when the activity that you are doing supplies you with the right mix of challenge and ease; Flow is the best state to be in because when you feel too challenged, you are under stress and when what you are doing is too easy, you feel bored. Try to find out what activities make you experience this state and do more of these.

We achieve a long-lasting fulfilling life only when we live a life that has a purpose, compassion for others and Altruism. An unanalyzed life will take you everywhere without reaching anywhere. Be there for others, help whenever and however you can, Love the differences you share with others.

 Be the greatest and the best version of yourself!

Also, read our blog on improving your  Mental Health!