Toxic people cause you harm in numerous ways. They put a lot of “stress” on your mind and body.

A lot of research on stress has shown that stress has a very negative effect on brain. Experiencing even a small duration of stress can decrease the functioning of the neurons in the hippocampus; the area of the brain that is responsible for memory and reasoning. Stress could cause damage that is irreversible while months of stress could destroy the neurons permanently. So, basically, when your mind is out of control due to these biological effects of stress, your performance will suffer.

When you Surround yourself with toxic people, the effect is similar to the effect of negative emotions on your body. It results in a huge stress response from your body.

You can make the process easier by internalizing these :

Choose your battles wisely

You find toxic people fighting for anything and everything on a daily basis. They have a love for drama and attention; do not feed this need and instead be mindful about the topics that really matter to you and stay away from unnecessary debates and discussions.

Do not play a part in the complaining game

These people are always complaining about their jobs, their bosses, their spouses, life circumstances etc. Self-pity is the most common form of Indulgence. Distance yourself! Toxic people have no interest in solving problems, rather they are more interested in bringing you down to their level. Save your energy and find out creative solutions.

Stay away from their emotional chaos

It is hard to deal with toxic people because they are grossly irrational. They have no logic in their understanding of the world around and the situation specifically. Distance yourself from them emotionally and just converse about facts. To stop what the other person is doing, you should try to recognize it as early as possible. You can do that by analyzing what kind of emotions you get around that person.

Build strong boundaries

This is essential and very difficult one too. If you are getting affected by the toxic person, it is also more likely that he is a close family member or a co-worker. Hence, you cannot establish boundaries very easily; but once you have identified them, their actions become more predictable and easier to deal with. For example, control how often you have to interact in a one-to-one conversation. You have to do this deliberately and with a consciousness of the fact that you are doing it.

Forgive but do not forget

Forgiveness means letting go what the other person has done to you. Forgiveness aids in moving on to other things rather than hanging on to negative emotion of being wrong for too long. But forgiveness does not mean that you have to make a fool of yourself every time. Learn from your past acquaintance with the toxic person and protect yourself from any harm in future.

Lastly, when you are dealing with toxic people, you have to build a support system. You have a lot of people in your life who are always ready to work in your interest. Pitch them in and seek suggestions about the situation and how to deal with them. They can often see a solution because they are not invested emotionally in it.

“Whatever  you believe becomes your thoughts,

What you think becomes your words,

When you speak  about your thoughts, it becomes your action,

What you act on them, it becomes your habits,

Whatever your habits are, that becomes your values,

Whatever your values are, becomes your destiny”.

                                                     -Mahatma Gandhi

That is the power of a habit.

So, what is a habit?

A habit is a fixed way of thinking; wanting or feeling acquired through repetition of a previous mental experience. A behavior that becomes a habit is not noticed by a person because the person does not require to get engaged in it consciously while doing them.

So, then what is a bad habit…

A bad habit has all the features of a Habit with just an addition of negative behavior, which affects our lives in ways that paralyze our life goals.

The habit Loop (Anatomy of a habit)

Trigger (Cues) —-Behavior (routine) —-Reward. Explaining it with an example, suppose your life goal is to become healthy but you are unable to manage your habits. You come home to sit in front of the PS3 and eat chips.

Trigger (Playing games)—-Behavior(Munching on chips)—-Reward(Feeling relaxed and satisfied).

Let’s put it into steps:

1) Identification of a bad habit is the most important step to changing it.

2) After identification, break it down in the similar way that has been shown in the example.

3) Identify the triggers that cause the behavior

4) Find out alternative methods of behavior that give you the same rewards.

This can be applied to form any good or bad habits that you might be dealing with. In spite of understanding the habits in detail, it is sometimes very complex to get over a bad habit alone. Do not shy away from seeking help if it starts to feel hopeless. Visit a therapist nearby.

This disorder commonly known and abbreviated as ADHD is a disorder that is common in children. According to the Diagnostic and statistical manual of disorders; 99 percent of ADHD cases are below age 16. Let us look into this disorder in detail to diagnose it at the early stages. The problem with all mental disorders is that the symptoms are also a part of normal behavior and hence it becomes difficult to draw the line when it becomes a disorder. It is more so if it is in children.

By definition, Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is marked by a persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with daily functioning and development. This could lead to unstable relationships, poor work performance, and low self –esteem.

The most important words here are Inattention, Impulsivity, and Hyperactivity.

Inattention;

It means that the child might be lost from the task at hand, hence is not able to persist for long at one task. Is not able to focus for long and is unorganized. While these problems are not due to the child’s failure of comprehension or disobedience.

Impulsivity;

They are not able to delay gratification. So, they Do not think before they take actions and often lands in risky situations because of the same.

Hyperactivity;

Restlessness, over talkative, fidgety and tends to move a lot. Is in constant activity.

Inattention symptoms that can help you diagnose the disorder Include:

1) Procrastinates: does not complete his tasks and moves from an activity to another and leaving all of them incomplete.

2) You may find the child to be disorganized and is not able to focus on the task at his hand.

3) They work without paying attention to details and hence make silly mistakes.

4) Cannot stay on one topic during conversations, do not follow instructions.

5)They forget things easily

Hyperactivity/Impulsivity may often demonstrate in ways like

1) Fidget with toys or articles on the desk

2) Are restless most of the time i.e., climb s or runs around at add times

3) Unable to remain quiet or engage in silent hobbies

4) Is constantly moving, talks non-stop.

5) Interrupt the conversation without waiting for their turn.

These are signs that should raise a concern in your mind; Hence, only a mental health practitioner can diagnose the symptoms of the disorder with accuracy.

Happy Women’s Week to Everyone!

Women are breaking barriers in every sphere of Life. They are taking care of finances besides looking after the household. I have an analogy that needs to be shared when talking about Limiting Beliefs. It is more applicable to women.

Do you know how elephants are trained to stay in control of their master in spite of being such gigantic creatures? This is how, When elephants are just born, they are tied to a rope to keep them in the vicinity of their owner. The baby elephant cannot free itself from the rope because they are fragile but Slowly and steadily these giant creatures come to their full size. The strange thing is even when they grow up they never think of breaking off the rope which is as easy as standing up and starting to walk for them. Why? Because they think the rope cannot be broken as that is what they had believed all along since they were born. They are tied down by their negative beliefs about themselves.

Women often behave in a similar way like that of a giant elephant; unaware of their potential. Often ignorant that the time has changed and they can move out of the rope!Let’s take a lesson from this and take the first step to believe in your own self and be everything that you are and leave everything that you are not. We will get into it step by step:

Step 1: SWOT ANALYSIS

Knowing yourself is the first step to any change that you wish to bring in yourself or your life. A shortcut to that is through SWOT. Locate the traits in yourself that you might label as “Strengths”, and “weaknesses”. And find out your “opportunities” and “threats” in life at present. This will give you a picture of the mountains you have still to climb and the resources that will get you there.

Step 2: Identify your negative thoughts

Journal on a daily basis for a week all those negative thoughts and things you say to yourself. Write down verbatim in your journal and try to find out a theme, you will find a thought that dominates you in most of the sentences. Think critically about these recurrent thoughts. Are they true or have they been taught to you by the society and family? Always check what you speak to yourself.

Step 3: Evaluate the negative thoughts

Once you have identified the negative thoughts, evaluate them under the categories of real and imagined or perceived threats. Some of your negative thoughts are actually your weaknesses and simply motivating yourself will not help. You need to do some rectification.

Step 4: Take small steps

Now, that you know what rectification you have to make; take small steps towards the new way of behavior and thought. Take calculated risks in areas of your weaknesses and increase the degree of difficulty progressively. For example, If You find it difficult to travel alone, start taking solo trips to a place that is 50 km away from you and then increase the distance and go!

Step 5: Extrapolate

You are aware of your inhibitions now and are also aware of the fact that most of them are just negative beliefs that you fed. Do one thing each week that you just believe that you can never do. Put this newly learned lesson to all areas of your life; Personal and Professional.

We are facing a lot of advancements in our Society. Change is inevitable but it is happening too fast. If we look at the last ten years there have been enormous changes in the way we deal, think and progress in life. We as adults are facing a lot of trouble and overlooking that our kids are also suffering with us. There are few mental health issues that particularly affect the younger ones in our vicinity. Mental health can be very critical to the overall wellbeing of the kids. It similar to poor performance in exams due to fever or any other physical illness. As teachers, educators and parents let us be on the watch out and look at it in greater detail.

Most Common mental health issues in children are:

Anxiety:

In anxiety, a person experiences tension and fear without any specific reason. Anxiety is one of the most common mental health problem experienced by children. This is demonstrated by students keeping away from classes for the long duration of time. They are unable to finish their assignments on time due to fear of failing in exams. In anxiety people overanalyze everything. Keep a check on the expectations that you put on the child and understand when the burden is getting unbearable.

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder:

The warning signs for this include, short attention spans, easy distractibility, hyperactivity, and talking too much. This disorder has a devastating impact on the students’ ability to learn and remain in the classroom. Educators should refer the child’s condition to the parents and mental health practitioners at the earliest.

Autism Spectrum Disorders:

This includes a range of disorders. The symptoms range from difficulties in social interactions, repetitive behavior, inability to understand verbal or nonverbal communication etc. The child will generally be withdrawn and aloof. This can range from mild to severe such as, Asperger’s syndrome.

Depression:

Symptoms include absenteeism, a general decline in interactions and a lack of motivation. Family members should look out for symptoms, like isolation, sleepiness, excessive or decreased appetite and suicidal tendencies.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder:

Students show signs of hostility, negativity, aggression towards teachers and other students. They often tend to challenge classroom rules and blame other classmates. Anger is a major symptom and often unpredictable.

These are only a few of the issues that children face. But, There are much more;  we will be covering them in the next blog on the same topic.

With the intrusion of technology in our world be it business, media, or education; the way we perform has changed. Technology has perforated to the level of booking taxis, ordering food, buying clothes, furniture, or even virtually touring the world. No wonder the term ‘global village’ has become so common in our vocabulary.

The ways of education have been transformed from what you had been taught a few years ago in leaps and bound. Technology has changed the way you teach the students and the way they learn it. There is an application for any subject that the student is interested in. Knowledge is becoming redundant in this age of the internet. Everything and anything is available with the click of a mouse. Hence, gone are the days when teachers could postpone a students question until the next class; this requires more preparedness and the expansion of horizon for the teachers. Since your old school beliefs of education are being challenged;  the gap between you and the student has widened. Not only this, there is also the problem of generation gap to add to it.

As teaching is becoming  more challenging for you, keeping a few things in mind can help you stay afloat:

Meaningful conversations:

The technologically wired generation is cut off from the real world and it is very crucial to bring them to terms with what is happening around them, sensitize them about issues that matter to the collective society. Meaningful conversations help students remain grounded.

Avoid Performance pressure:

Avoid negative thoughts. It is normal for a person to not know everything under the sun. The role of a teacher is to impart as much knowledge as they can and as much as they have. Do not become burdened by over expectations from your own self. Apart from being a teacher, you are a human being who is still learning. Avoid feeling powerless and learn from them what they know better.

Make them curious:

Learn what interests your class. Feel the pulse of the students and customize the pedagogy according to their needs. The main idea is to engage them i.e, do workshops, schedule interaction timings, one to one sessions, classes to foster creativity by applying what they learned in real life scenarios, etc.

Apart from these show them positive regard for whatever they have created, added value to. Motivate them intrinsically letting them work on subjects that interest them and show them what they can achieve by doing what they do well. Set goals and show the roadmap to reach there.

Let us look into how conflicts arise first. Whatever happens in the environment around us is an event that arouses some kind of emotion inside us. If the event is a threat to us, our minds start generating corresponding emotions. These threats that we encounter are generally perceived i.e., based on our assumption of the threat.

This is what happens:

Event—-Thoughts (Negative thoughts) —-Feelings (Anger) —-Behavior

Whatever is done by a teacher is an event for the student as it is with you. If the perceived threat is on the higher side, both of you will be negating the consequences of your action. You will experience a false sense of power and righteousness.

Understanding this power struggle in a few steps:

Innate nature:

Most kids, I have observed have the tendency to resist power and control. The early life experiences shape the kids in this way, and by the time they come to school, it is an automatic response. Try to understand this process rather than taking it as a personal attack. Since the event is same for both the parties, try to take control of your reaction. Do not take the innate nature of the child as a threat or attack on you.

Emotional control:

Always, Always keep your emotions and attitudes in check. Behave like the bigger person and choose calm in the face of the conflict.

Keep Balance:

There is nothing wrong with rules and regulations but keep a balance between rules and the need for the students to connect with you. Human beings, in general, want to be heard, appreciated, accepted and connected. Take advantage of that!

Accept your faults:

Sometimes just because we are the superiors by age and power, we ignore our own faults. Accept your flaws gracefully and try to make rectifications. Admit to the students about where you went wrong so that they have a model of behavior to mirror.

Read on

The scientific meaning of the word stress is to exert pressure or tension on a material object. But, this is more often used today as a psychological phenomenon occurring due to excessive pressure on the mind due to the external circumstances around a person. When there are multiple tasks you need to juggle with but you are unable to manage, you are left overwhelmed with feelings of anxiety, nervousness, irritation making it very difficult for you to carry on. Let me tell you here that, not all stress is bad. Stress is a mechanism that is used by the body to indicate that there is a danger around, the heartbeat increases, cortisol is released into the bloodstream to meet the emergency. Again, If this goes on for a prolonged period of time this hormone affects your immunity.

How to deal with the difficult behavior of students?

As educators, you always have in mind the best for your students and do everything for their better future. Although it is the best technique to deal with patience, understanding, and acceptance, the situation sometimes gets out of control and you have to resort to other ways of dealing with it. Here are some ways you can do it:

Calm down:

The first and the most important step when you are dealing with a stressful situation is to take a few deep breaths. Deep abdominal breathing helps decrease the heart rate and lowers down the blood pressure.

Generate Insight:

you cannot keep accepting misbehavior just because you understand the causes of the behavior. Let the students understand and realize their mistakes. Show them where they went wrong and how they can prevent repeating the same in future. Also, make them understand the consequences of their behavior.

Do not judge them:

It is very disgraceful to be identified as a bad person, it reduces the chances of future changes in behavior. Do not abuse, ridicule or blame them.

Communicate with family:

Meet their family and convey them about the misbehavior of the student. Let them know how the student misbehaves in class and guide them on how to cultivate desirable behaviors in the future.

Reinforce good behaviors:

When a student behaves in the right way to reward them with a praise; a token etc for others to model the same behaviors in class.

Listen actively even during the conflict:

Even when you are angry, try to stay in control and listen to what the student is trying to resent, where he is coming from and if the dissent is genuine.

Recommend a counselor:

Set a timeframe for the improvement to take place by establishing a positive rapport. Let the student know that you care, but in spite of all these if the situation is not improving refer to professional help. This might need some intervention that is more complex.

“What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare”

–William Davies

You are always busy, running errands to meet your daily needs and that of your significant others. But do you even think once, how much of yourself and your life you are losing in the process? When did you last sit down to have a hearty conversation with your friend or spouse or children? Can’t think of it? You have high chances of soon experiencing a burnout.

What is a burnout?

Unlike Bipolar disorder or depression, burnout is not mentioned in any diagnostic manual. There are no clear symptoms to find out that you are having a burnout but there are some generally accepted indicators for the same. Many researchers are of the view that prolonged stress, depression, anxiety, fear or any other underlying mental fight could lead to a burnout. Physiological stress can also produce a burnout. As the name suggests, burnout is the complete depletion or exhaustion of mental or physical energy.

Symptoms to  assess a state of burnout:

Physiological signs:  This includes general fatigue, gastrointestinal problems, difficulty breathing, heart-related problems, loss of appetite etc, get yourself assessed by a medical practitioner.

Your immune system will become weak: When your body is already coping with a huge amount of stress, all your resources will be used up and your body will become more prone to infections, allergies, diseases etc.

Anxiety: You may experience a little fear or an edgy feeling in the beginning but later your fear may become so big that you may not continue with your professional life.

The sadness of mood or depression: Again, a burnout is insidious and takes a lot of time to come to the surface. In the beginning, it feels like mild emotional fatigue, but later on getting up from the bed becomes a task. In severe cases, it can also be suicidal(consult a therapist or a doctor at this stage mandatorily)

Loss of enjoyment and pessimism: A feeling like that of a dark-coloured cloud hovering overhead. You do not enjoy things that you earlier used to and have become very critical about everything.

Interpersonal damage: You become angry too soon and that too on trivial things. You do not feel like meeting people or socializing and keep yourself out by closing your door or not going out of the home.

Decline in productivity at work: There has been a significant decline in productivity. You do not enjoy your job either. You are also absent from your work most of the days.

When will you be having a burnout?

If you are one of those high achieving individuals. You will most likely be a victim of burnout. Do you Feel overburdened continuously, keeping a long to-do list and are always under the pressure of time? This could result in a persistent exhaustion. We are all dealing with more commitments that we could manage with our physiological or psychological capacity. It is very important to care for your own needs before you could actually help or support others.  It is hard to ignore conditions like workplace conflict or meeting your deadlines but help is available.

Do an assessment of yourself before it gets late. To win the race of life, not only do you need power but more importantly you need the consistent power supply which can last till the end. It is of no use to start with a high intensity and breakdown halfway.