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Gone are those days when a man was the sole bread earner of the family and his wife took care of the house and the children. Today, women are educated; career-oriented and can make a mark in whichever industry she feels like.

What happens when a wife earns more than her husband?

With due respect to our patriarchal society, its ideas about gender roles many relationships don’t fare well when the wife gets more money than her husband. Either the husband’s ego might be altered, he would lack self-confidence and self-worth creating jealousy and making their relationship weak. Or there could be that the husband takes it sportingly and enjoys the money coming to the house.

Salary differences cause huge troubles in couples when both are ambitious and want to compete. One has to understand whether it’s “her” money or “his” money it’s eventually “our” money.

Case study

(The names of the clients have been changed to protect their identities and approval for disclosing the case study from the client has been taken.)

Priya and Manan have married 5 years ago. Manan earned more than Priya when they were married. Priya is in an advertising firm and Manan is a wealth manager. He tried changing his job but couldn’t succeed, while Priya was able to change two jobs in five years making her earn double than her husband. Initially, he was fine about it but after a few days it hit him hard and they started fighting because of money. Although Manan never directly mentioned he has issues with the salary difference but once when his Uncle and family came from Faridabad, he mentioned it in front of his uncle that “My wife earns more than me” out of the blue leaving Priya very angry. She felt the salary gap need not be a general open issue to be discussed by everyone. Priya felt that even though her husband does not say anything on her face he is jealous of her achievements and salary.

Money Hassle

The hassle over money could lead to a lot of stress between the two individuals causing trouble in their marriage. Money is one of the main reasons why divorces happen.

To avoid conflict over money, couples need to be clear with each other about their goals, ambitions, and aspirations. Women may overpower their husbands and start letting them down because of the difference, making men feel low and miserable. These differences need to be communicated to each other to get to the desired solution.

An easy solution to think of the income as “our” income and not his or hers.

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All image are courtesy Pixabay

Marriage is not just a tie between two people who love each other. It also marks the advent of another new relationship — the one you have with your in-laws.

In India, you don’t marry a person you marry a Family. Naturally, a family may consist of parents in law, brother-sister in law, grandparents in law, extended family.

You’ve married the love of your life and it takes time for the in-laws, you and your spouse to adjust with each other. Parents can have their emotional agendas and concerns about their child and will always try to check if everything is alright? But there is a difference between in-laws involvement and interference.

Involvement

In-law involvement is actively participating in the life events of the son or daughter in law be it at home, work achievements, celebrating festivals together, discussing upcoming events of their life. Involvement is on the positive side.

Interference

In-law interference is crossing the line from participating in controlling and monitoring day-to-day events of their life. Interference is more on the negative side. It can be extremely damaging to a couple and if not dealt correctly, it can lead to families being torn apart.

Expectations and insecurity

Your in-laws are a group of people who have a uniquely personal and intimate relationship with your spouse which existed since their birth and before your involvement with him or her. So there is a huge set of expectations they have that my child should not be deprived of anything. When another person enters their child’s life, the feeling of insecurity takes over. Men are more attached to their mothers and women to their fathers but you need to know how much information is to be passed over and which piece of advice is to be taken.

Interference could be in many areas: money, badmouthing the son-daughter in law, dressing sense, lifestyle, career, constant comparison, household activities, parenting and being manipulative all which results in conflicts.

In-laws Interference negatively affects your relationship with your spouse. Is your relationship with your spouse becoming more and more claustrophobic? Are you having conflicts with your spouse because of in-laws interference which is the main cause of stress and health issues? Then, you and your spouse need to talk about the concerns, discuss what is not negotiable and set up some boundaries so that both, relationship with parents and spouses remain intact. Otherwise, it doesn’t take a minute to say “Goodbye” to a beautiful relationship.

“No one should come between you and your Spouse. They should come alongside you but not between you.”

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All images are courtesy Pixabay

Dating as a single parent is not as easy as dating when unmarried. One might have lost their spouse, divorced or got separated. A person may not be ready to date again as they have just gone through the pain of separation. Also, the responsibility of children keeps holding the parent back. The single parent worries about not able to give the required time to their children or what would their children feel if they date someone, bothers a single parent, refraining from dating again. Sometimes, self-esteem is also low after going through a rough phase in life.

Dealing with Parents & In-Laws

Parents, in-laws, relatives may not easily accept that one has moved in a relationship and looking for a companion again. Managing society’s expectations and their opinions, dating becomes difficult for single parents. They become a topic of gossip. But society has to remember that the best mum or dad is a happy mum or dad! And if dating is making them happy, it should be a priority in their lives.

Dealing with Children

The next challenge in front of the parent is how to tell the children about the person you have started to date. Children may or may not easily accept the new person in their mom/dad’s life. They may withdraw themselves from you. Hence it is important to answer their questions openly. The security of the child is of utmost importance, the child needs to know nothing in his/her life is going to change and that he/she is still the most important person in your life. Your dating partner also needs to be their friend first of your children and not try to be their parent.

Managing the children, handling daily chores, going to the office, taking care of finances and dating would require good time management skills. If one is not able to manage everything leading to ignorance to kids, guilt will take rise in the mind of the parent.

If you’re a single parent and are capable of running a home, raising a family, and achieving what you prioritize. Never lower your standards when you can inspire someone to respect and live up to yours.

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All images are courtesy Pixabay

Infidelity can be defined as the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner.

We often hear about infidelity and perhaps have seen live examples within the circle of friends and family. One of the main reasons why a marriage ends is because of infidelity and the hasty decisions taken after knowing about it.

A partner may cheat his/her spouse when everything in the marriage is going alright and even when the marriage has some issues. You need to cross-check how great you are on the emotional level / how great is your emotional intimacy?

The challenge is whether to work on it or to end it?

When people are not able to digest the pain they think of ending the relationship with a divorce. You may go through all kinds of negative emotions like stress, anger, hatred, sadness, depression, resentment and also doubt yourself of where did I go wrong? Infidelity makes your relationship more toxic and everyone related to it gets affected.

The scar of betrayal cuts to the bone, but the wound can be healed.

It is not easy to trust your spouse again, but do you want to give the opportunity? Does your spouse agree on committing the mistake and ready to work on the relationship? If so, then you need to communicate your expectations to stay married and begin the process of healing and restoring trust.

Seek a Counsellor

If you have decided to end the marriage, considering the number of times your spouse cheated on you emotionally / physically, and if in no circumstances you would be able to take the pain and betrayal you are going through now, it’s better to seek some professional help for the recovery process of infidelity and divorce. A counselor will help you to save your marriage or sail the process of divorce peacefully.

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All image courtesy Pixabay

“They say money can’t buy Love but have you tried paying bills with a Hug?!”

Out of all the divorces that happen worldwide, Money is one of the main reasons why marriages break and go through tough times. The varied reasons for problems in marriage could be:

• One spouse spending too much than the other – happens in the case where individual accounts are maintained.
• No clarity of how much money is being spent – when budgeting is missing.
• Money infidelity / secret spending – when people hide their expenses.
• The rise in expenses and income being low – overspending with the use of credit cards and borrowing money from others.
• Salary differences amongst spouses – especially in the case when the wife earns more.
• Spending/lending more money on extended family – spending more on parents, siblings, friends, and relatives.
• Unemployment.

Different Money Values

Generally, when spouses have different money values they have issues in their marriage. If couples decide to be transparent about money before and after their marriage, they would less likely fall into trouble due to Money.

Even when prior discussions are done about how much and who will spend on household activities, outings, bill payments, maintenance, outsourced work, and rent…when money starts falling short, love overcomes trust and discussions turn into heated arguments leaving a scar on the relationship. The person who spends more may also presume to have an upper hand in other aspects too. This might make the other spouse feel less important and devalued igniting quarrels.

Transparency in Money Matter

Hence it is required for couples to be transparent, vocal and be in one direction for avoiding troubles in marriage due to money.

‘There is no “my money” and “your money” in a successful marriage. Regardless of who does or doesn’t work or who brings the most money; the successfully married people pool their money together, plan together, budget together, give together, spend together and save together’

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All images are courtesy Pixabay

When one thinks of a stay-at-home parent, it’s almost always the mom that comes to the mind. But when a husband decides to be at home and take care of the household chores and look after the children, it isn’t looked upon, like a great job by society. More than the society if you wish to be a stay at home dad, are you and your spouse on the same terms? Will you both enjoy the reversed roles? There is a lot of stigma around men staying at home parents and women being the breadwinners. It requires a lot of guts to quit a job and be a full-time stay at home dad.

Are you ready?

This cannot be a forced decision. It has to be a well-thought decision. The husband needs to take care of the daily household chores, looking after the children, attending guests, preparing food, getting work done from maids, buying groceries and other items. Working round the clock could be a very tiring process if you are not used to the routine.

Is your family ready?

Remember you are going to break the stereotype. Is your family ok to see their son full time at home and doing all the household activities and taking care of children..? Forget men, women in the family might not be able to digest the fact. Most importantly has your wife agreed to the decision?

Finances

Is your wife earning pretty well? An analysis should be done as you are going to lose on the extra income. Is it okay for you two and will all the expenses like personal, household, loan, school fees, insurance, rent would taken care of your wife’s salary easily?

Reversed roles

Your wife may do a 9-hour job but you need to be at work all the time. Right from dressing up the children for school, taking care of babies, changing diapers, feeding them, helping them with homework, preparing food, cleaning the house, playing with them, making the children sleep and acquire some more skill sets which you are not aware of.

Emotional change

A stay-at-home husband may feel burdened to work 24/7, look after kids and handle people’s questions which will likely make you feel the burnout. Also, you may feel lonely. It is a stressful job to handle the children and perform all other activities. One needs to prepare himself before taking this huge plunge.

Social Acceptance

Women who prefer to be at home can get engaged in varied activities like gathering with other women (who prefer not to work) and indulge in kitty parties. Since most of the men are working, stay at home dads do not have anyone to go and talk to which can make them feel lonely and depressed.

Hence before getting into the full-time stay at home job, think not twice, but ten times as it’s going to affect you and your family emotionally, physically and financially.

To learn more about Mentriq click here

All images are courtesy Pixabay