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Psychologically ‘Aggression’ refers to the behaviour by one person or persons intended to cause harm to another person or persons’. In the extreme form, aggression may end up in destructive behaviour towards another person or animal or even objects, such as breaking a TV or something which is valuable.

Your teens are exposed to aggression and violence everywhere, like violence on media, on the road, within families, and also in public places. All of these have a strong impact on your teen’s personality and behaviours. They will tend to imitate the aggressive behaviours of others, as witnessed by them in their life and tend to consider aggression as an acceptable part of their life.

Leonard Berkowitz (1969) explains that aggression is caused when you are trying to attain or reach a goal and there is an obstruction on the way.

Continued Aggression and Unchecked violent tendencies may lead to Conduct disorders

These disorders are marked by persistent antisocial behaviours in adolescents. That result in significant problems and distinctly lowered performance in academic and non-academic areas. This also adversely affects their social functioning. That is in terms of interacting with peers, siblings and family members including parents.

Conduct disorder is usually marked by two major symptoms:

1. Aggression
2. Delinquency

This  Aggression may be directed towards people, e.g. peers, classmates, animals, like cruelty towards animals or objects, or destroying property, etc. The aggression can also turn towards self in terms of self-harm and suicidal tendencies.

On the other hand, delinquency refers to antisocial behaviours which include lying, stealing, physical and sexual assaults (especially in adolescence). That is running away from home and school termed as truant behaviour.

If Your teen is showing a conduct disorder in adolescence, that might often continue into adulthood unless appropriate and timely interventions are taken.  Their aggression and delinquent behaviours become high-risk factors. Teens these behaviours are considered forerunners of antisocial behaviour and alcohol/substance abuse in adulthood.

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Stress is a condition of bodily or mental unrest which occurs as a result of any physical, emotional or chemical imbalance in our body.

There are several factors that may cause this condition.  The physical and chemical factors that may cause stress include trauma, infections, toxins, illnesses, and injuries of any sort. While the emotional factors that lead to stress and tension are numerous and varied, having a mainly psychological basis. Basically, it is a state which leads to instability and disparity in normal body functions.

It differs in its types, intensity, and form. There are individual differences in the extent to which an individual can tolerate this condition. Generally, it can be of two types which can be explained as follows:

1)Acute

The most common type of stress found amongst individuals throughout the world is “Acute Stress”. It is a condition which occurs due to the anxiety of the near future or dealing with the very recent past. At times, it is also a good thing to have such kind of stress in life. The examples of acute stressors are –running, exercising, or any kind of exciting or thrilling experiences such as riding a roller coaster. The acute form is of short duration and is a result of the excitement and fun that an individual experiences for the specific time period. This is less damaging to the body.

2) Chronic

Unlike acute condition, “Chronic Stress” causes a lot of wear and tear to the human body. The extent of damage due to this kind of pressure may lead to very serious health risk like memory loss, loss of spatial recognition, loss of eating if it continues over a long period of time. The effect of this differs from person to person and also varies amongst men and women. Studies have shown that women can bear longer durations of stress than men without showing any maladaptive change, whereas, men can deal with it for a shorter duration, but if the duration increases, they have a chance to developmental issues.

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This doesn’t have to mean that you avoid your feelings. That is generally a very bad strategy. However, when it comes to anger, most people need time to learn anger-management skills. While you are learning, you may profit from staying out of trouble by avoiding trouble in the first place.

In most people, emotions are situational. Something in the here and now irritates you or makes you mad. The emotion itself is tied to the situation in which it originates. So, as long as you remain in that provocative situation, you’re likely to stay angry. If you leave the situation, the opposite is true- the emotion begins to fade as soon as you move away from the situation. Moving away from a situation prevents it from getting a grip on you.

Attempts to stop reacting and making the choice to respond to anger may also be difficult because you’re surrounded by people with excessive anger. What you need instead are anger allies, the kind of people who can help you form new habits of responding effectively to anger. Look for people who-

• Show by personal example how to show anger in a healthy way.
• Will actively listen and support your efforts to bring your anger under control.
• Are nonjudgmental.
• Have conquered their own anger demons.
• Are patient.
• Are compassionate, appreciating what a burden excessive anger is.
• Don’t assume that what worked for them to bring their anger under control will necessarily work for you.
• Are willing to be there for you at a time of emotional crisis.
• Don’t pretend to have all the answers.
• Are willing to help but not to be responsible for your anger.

Distancing yourself from your companions is not an easy task but will benefit your own life very soon.

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Cognitive restructuring means changing the process or way of thinking. When anger goes beyond control people behave in a very aggressive, exaggerated and overly dramatic way. These all happens because the positive thoughts are blocked somewhere in mind at this juncture and an individual is guided by negative thoughts. When such a sequence occurs, one should try to replace these thoughts with more rational ones.

For instance, instead of telling one self, “oh, how could this happen to me? It is awful, it’s terrible, everything’s ruined,” you should tell yourself that, “ I am aware that the situation is frustration but it is not end of the world and if I get angry it is not going to help”.

Once you start thinking about the positive aspects you will realise that adverse reaction is in no way going to solve the present problem. Rather, there may be another way to find out a more acceptable solution.

Apply Logic

Further, applying logical reasoning, positive and rationale thinking helps you to get a more balanced perspective. Remind yourself that the world is “not out to get you”. You are just experiencing some of the rough phase of your life. You should repeat these thoughts whenever you are angry and you can deal with your own anger in the best possible way.

Anger can be handled and responded to in a more healthy way.  The after effect of the anger depends upon how effectively it is communicated or channelised. No doubt, anger can be a tremendous source of energy and inspiration for change. We should  manage anger in such a way that it does not hamper  our relationship, priority and main focus . Rather one should have an attitude of ‘forgive’ and ‘forget’. Also one should think before and then speak, because an effective communication can win any situation.

 Controlling Anger Through External Help 

If you find that, despite putting effort in the anger management, you are unable to handle the situation and you are every time getting yourself into trouble, then you need an external help. Seeking help from outside does not means that you are weak, rather it shows your willingness to face it.

 Getting help through experienced professionals such as psychologist can help you to undergo the sessions of therapy. Therapies help in finding out the reasons behind an individual’s anger and identify triggers that lead to anger.

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Be Loving:

Get rid of that old wives take that hugging them, holding them, telling them you love them is spoiling your children. There are many children who suffered because their parents were too busy, too selfish and too preoccupied to spent time with them.

Mentriq Team talks about 10 Things to do Every Single day as a parent[/caption]

Act as a Role Model:

Have you ever noticed that you have many of the same attitudes, habits and opinions that your parents had when you were growing up- even though you swore you’d do it all differently. Well, that’s because your parents were your first, important role models and you are now the same as your children.

Involve yourself in your child’s Life:

One of the most important things you can do to safeguard your children is to spend time with them. No one ever feels that they have enough time to do the things they have to do. Strong family ties are formed between children and their parents if a little regular daily effort is made to spend time talking, eating and playing together.

Focus on Flexibility:

Your role as a parent changes as your child grows. What worked well when your child was in the nursery doesn’t necessarily work when she reaches junior school-and is likely to outright fail when she enters adolescence.

Set Boundaries and Rules:

The two most important thing children need from their parents are love and structure. Some of the parents don’t want to repeat the strict upbringing that they experienced, so they go the other way and have no rules and boundaries at all. They then wonder why their children don’t listen to or respect them.

Be Consistent:

The biggest single contribution to a kid’s disciplinary problems is inconsistent parenting. The secret of consistency is keeping your expectation clear and always meeting the same behaviour with the same reaction.

Mentriq Team talks about 10 Things to do Every Single day as a parent[/caption]

Encourage Independence:

From the day you play ‘peek-a-boo’ with your baby, you are preparing her for separation from you. From her first day at school, first sleepover and first school trip to France-to the day your daughter leaves home. Good parenting is the step by step process, a gradual moving out into the big world, confident and independent from you.

Firm and Fair in your discipline:

At each stage of your child’s development, you must establish your rules that you expect your child to obey. Your job is to do what best for your child whether she likes or not. Don’t let your toddler blackmail you into buying that ice-cream just before lunch with a screaming tantrum. You are building an adult part of tomorrow ’s future generation –so stand your ground.

Listen to the first talk later:

Listening to the best gift you can give anyone-including your kids. Listening make children feel valued, heard and understood. It makes them feel important.

Respect your child:

Your relationship with your child is the foundation of her relationships with others. If you treat your child with compassion, kindness and respect, she will grow up to be concerned about others, caring, considerate and respectful towards other people.

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If you confront a situation that generates anger, you need to recognise these warning signs and anticipate your triggers, then you can act quickly to deal with your anger even before it spins out of

control. There are many techniques that can help you keep your anger in check and help you to unwind and relax like:

Technique of deep breathing:

Deep and slow breathing helps out in releasing the tension smoothly. The process of deep breathing technique is to breathe deeply from the abdomen, getting as much fresh air as possible into your

lungs. Further, deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help in calming down the angry feelings. That is, once you are taking deep breathe in and out, you have to very slowly utter words or phrases like “relax,” “take it easy” and then imagine or visualise a relaxing experience, from either your

memory or your imagination. Meditation and yoga can also help one to calm down. Daily practice will automatically help you to repeat the process whenever you are in a tense situation.

Technique of senses:

 We feel any stimulus only when our senses are stimulated. Keeping this in mind one can use the senses of sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste for relaxation. For example, listening to music or

picturing yourself in a favourite place can help you feel comfortable.

Techniques of massage and exercise:

A gentle massage on the area which you feel is getting tensed helps you to relax for example roll your shoulders if you feel it is getting tensed or simply massage your neck and scalp. Simple

exercises or even a morning walk helps in releasing of constrained energy or blocked ideas so you can approach the situation with a cooler head.

Technique of counting:

This is the best technique that can be used when you are in a “fight or flight” situation. Count from one to ten when you have started getting the feel of anger. A focus on the counting helps the mind to

understand and control the feelings. If you still feel out of control by the time you reach ten, start counting again.

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Here we’ll show  techniques for cooling down situations that threaten to ignite when you don’t want them to. In all but the rarest of cases, you’ll feel better and come up with more effective solutions when you contain conflict rather than give anger a free lead. When faced an angry person, you want to do everything you can to avoid escalation. Heated arguments or even violence can erupt when escalation climbs. And escalation can happen really fast if you’re not careful.

Listen deeply

When people attack, your best diffusing strategy is listening. Really listening. Give the angry person some time to completely express their frustration. Then tell the person how you heard what they said by starting like- “I get a sense you are saying”. If the person agrees with your interpretation of their sentence then move on otherwise ask them to restate their sentence. 

Controlling pace, space, and breadth

Arguing in parking lots or other open spaces merely increases the chances of escalation. You can bring those risks down by going to places like coffee shops. Other measures are as follows-

• Suggest that the two of you sit down in chairs. This equalises the height and has a calming effect.
• Notice where the exit doors are located, just in case. This will help you feel more relaxed.
• Attempt to maintain a distance of two arm’s length away from your adversary for extra safety.
• Control the speed of your speech. It is much harder to rage against someone who speaks slowly and with pauses.

• 

Asking for clarification

  Many arguments occur when two people simply fail to understand what each other is trying to say. Rather than assuming that you know what the argument is about, why not ask for clarification? You can restate what you think is going on, but say that you want to be sure that you have it right. 

Speaking softly

A soft, patient voice tone and volume keeps emotions in check. It’s basically as simple as that­-pay close attention to your voice volume when an argument threatens to break out.

 Connecting

When you fell disconnected with people, it’s far easier to feel angry with them. On the other hand, even a small bit of connection can dampen hostile feelings.

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Depression is the most common mental health problem or set of problems among teenagers.

Teens or adolescents can become persistently depressed. Adolescents with depression may present with suicidal thoughts, self-harm, self-mutilation, severe self-neglect, starvation or extreme agitation. 

They start feeling sad all the time. And the sadness does not get better in response to changes in circumstances and may be worse in the morning. Sometimes teens may be anxious or irritable. The teenager worries about trivial matters and have negative thinking. They express that they are incapable of doing anything, feel worthless and nothing good is going to happen to them in the future. He or she may express guilt about their past acts or decisions. They lose interest in day to day activities and do not enjoy previously pleasurable activities like watching television, reading the newspaper, meeting with friends and family.

Your teen may feel tired even without doing much activity and have difficulty in carrying out day to day tasks. They complain of memory loss which is due to poor concentration. Their speech, walk, and other actions become slow. They also start withdrawing from social interactions and prefer to stay alone.

Common symptoms include a combination of: 

• Low self-esteem and negative self-image
• Somatic complaints
• Social withdrawal
• Depressed mood
• Marked diminution of or loss of the capacity to enjoy things (Anhedonia).
• Anxiety (including separation anxiety) and agitation.
• Irritability or anger (to self or others) and lowered frustration tolerance.
• Loss of appetite (with loss of weight in the more severe form) or increase in food intake (‘comfort eating’)
• Sleep problems of various kinds – an anxious child or adolescent with Depression may have trouble falling asleep or be stay awake by depressive thoughts. In the most severe form, the young person wakes early can’t get back to sleep and lies awake with profound feelings of hopelessness; others they will want to stay in bed and sleep for long periods.
• Suicidal ideation: this is uncommon in pre-pubertal children, but children of this age may express thoughts of, for example, running away or jumping into the middle of the road or out of a window.

Moreover, Suicidal ideation is more common in adolescents with depression, sometimes as a fleeting thought but sometimes as a more formed idea and with clear intention to act on this.

Finally, if you are the parent or guardian of a teenager who is suffering from depression, please meet with an experienced Psychologist. When the treatment of depression starts early it can be treated. Untreated depression can become chronic and it is far more complex to heal.  As Frederick Douglass said, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults.”

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‘Self-harm happens when someone hurts or harms themselves.’

Self-harm is a deliberate, intentional injury to one’s own body that causes tissue damage or leaves marks for more than a few minutes. There are many ways in which teenagers can engage in self-harming behavior, but the most common is cutting the skin with knives, blades or pieces of glass. Some of the other forms of self-injury are:

• Burning and hitting oneself
• Scratching or picking scabs
• Overdosing on medications
• Pulling out one’s hair with the intention of hurting oneself
• Inserting objects into one’s body
• Banging heads against the wall
• Biting

Self-harm is a complex behavior that can be best thought of as a maladaptive response to acute and chronic stress, often but not exclusively linked with thoughts of dying.

7 sign of Self Harm Behaviour, Parents and other trusted adults in a teen’s lives need to become aware of these warning signs: 

1. When you see wounds from cutting or scratching in different parts of your teen’s body.
2. When you notice multiple bruises on your teen’s skin or injury for which your teen doesn’t have a clear explanation.
3. When your teen is very interested in self-harm topics ( a sudden interest in reading, learning or talking about self-harm).
4. You notice your teen try to cover his/her body. (wearing a long-sleeved shirt on hot days, multiple Band-Aids or other wraps over the skin in an attempt to hide injuries).
5. When your teen looks anxious, stressed, and sad or at a loss for how to cope with these emotions.
6. A recent activating event, a refusal or failure in something.
7. When your teen stays distant, including shutting off from family and/or friends, spending more time alone.

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